....We usually fight over her indecision for dinner, I always say whatever she wants, and she waffles then gets angry at me for giving her the choice. (Typical NGS)
....Last night quickly picked the restaurant, while picking the appetizers she kept trying to change my mind, and I held my ground, she even tried saying that she really wanted another one to see if I would bow down, and I said "no I want this one, if you would like another one you can get it separetely." This is one of those weird fights we'd always have, it was very nice to take charge.
a few thoughts (for what they may be worth)
Reformed Nice Guys are not into a power struggle or trying to dominate their wife for no reason. You have said that you love her and want the best for her. I believe you. Your suggestion that she could get a different appetizer was a good way to handle things. Well done.
An even better way to have handled things; would have been for you to have carefully choosen your appetizer for health (or other) reasons that were real. This means that if you had choosen one because if was high protein and you wanted to boost the protein in your meal prior to a hard triathalon work out the next day, that would have been an excellant reason and why you weren't going to eat something else. It would have told her that you are really serious about this exercise program and given her an understandable reason for what you wanted. Of course if you had said that, you better not have a sugary cocktail or dessert with your dinner or an all carb main dish.
If you fight over dinner or appetizers, figure out what you need (be it fiber, carbs, protein, low-cal, raw vegtables, whatever) and then share with her what it is that you feel you need, give her a suggestion or two on what you think would be a good approach and ask her if she has an alternate that can meet your needs.
An integrated man seeks and gets input from his wife. If she can't agree then your solution of I am getting this because..... and you can get anything you want, is a good way to go. Getting a life makes sure that your needs (not wants) and those of your family are being met.
Also, it sounds like your wife's eating habits are a bit unusual, so if you have listened closely to her and found out if she is focused on low calories, but high fiber, with an ocassional sluge and you can work that into your suggestion....all the better, because it shows that you are listening to her and trying to help incorpate what she has told you into your life as well.
Again, your wife will test you to see what this change (NMMNG) in you is all about and if you really are changing or not.
My suggestion would be to have really good reasons for the things you feel you need that you wife is going to challenge you on. If you do, then articulate them. Once she sees that it is not an arbitrary power struggle, she will likely view things a lot differently, especially if you are committed to your NMMNG goals and change.
Good luck and remember that change (both yours and that of your wife) will take a lot more time than you expect.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
