Concerned listener: I wish so bad that I could have gotten to the forums after I posted here back in March, but at the time I had no comp. useage and I missed your suggestion then to attend alanon.
Maybe I could have saved things, if I just started going to alanon earlier. But I didnt get to see your post till recently.
I WISH SO BAD I WENT TO ALANON EARLIER, (my first meeting is tonight)I SWEAR THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT RIGHT NOW IF I DID,I WOULDNT HAVE BLOWN UP AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN FOCUSING ON ME INSTEAD OF HIM, AND HE WOULD PROBABLY STILL BE HERE - IF I DID. MAN DID I MESS THIS UP ROYALY>I COMPLETELY REVERTED BACK TO OLD WAYS (nagging and complaining).
Thanks, and if you have any other suggestions - I am all ears. TIPPER
Concerned listener: I wish so bad that I could have gotten to the forums after I posted here back in March, but at the time I had no comp. useage and I missed your suggestion then to attend alanon.
Maybe I could have saved things, if I just started going to alanon earlier. But I didnt get to see your post till recently.
I WISH SO BAD I WENT TO ALANON EARLIER, (my first meeting is tonight)I SWEAR THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT RIGHT NOW IF I DID,I WOULDNT HAVE BLOWN UP AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN FOCUSING ON ME INSTEAD OF HIM, AND HE WOULD PROBABLY STILL BE HERE - IF I DID. MAN DID I MESS THIS UP ROYALY>I COMPLETELY REVERTED BACK TO OLD WAYS (nagging and complaining).
Thanks, and if you have any other suggestions - I am all ears. TIPPER
Now that's not entirely true Tipper.
Quote:
I have been such a push over. My addiction is my H and making this M work. I bend over backwards to make him happy and let him go out drinking. He would text me from the bars, as I would be home hurt and alone : That what matters most to him is that I Love him unconditionally. In other words he was getting eveything he wanted while I got thrown the bone.
You keep thinking that THIS is all your fault...and I'm going to worry that he can come back and as he pleases, as long as he comes back. You'll be here again if you allow that, if you take all of the blame.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I went to an alanon meeting tonight for my first time and it was such a blessing. I felt so good to feel comforted by the others there and to hear their stories too. It helped me realize these people there are all so happy and outgoing, even though they are going through past or present stuggles with an alchohic and they are focusing on themselves and growing as a human which empowers them to be better people. It helped me realize that I can not fix everything, only a higher power is in charge of that. It helped me realize, I really need to focus on keeping me healthy and happy even though I know it will take some time. I need to detatch, and live life for me.
I am defenitly gonna attend this meeting every monday and I am also gonna go to another alonon site on wednesday with my Brother who is in AA-and they have both meetings at the same time.
I am also going to look into and research a job in the postal service, as there is no hope for me as a teacher anymore. I feel like it is a job, I would like and be good at. I know it can be hard to get into, and I got to take the c.c. test yet, but my brothers girlfriend works at a post office and may be able to get me an "in". So, "I am going Postal" (ha ha - litterally).
I realized tonight, that my H left behind on my bakers rack 2 of the four wedding bands I have bought him in the past. Wedding band #1 was "lost" 6 months before the first bomb hit. Wedding band #2 was bought for him by me immediatley after he lost the first one, and he "lost" that one some time within our first seperation. So wedding band #3 was bought for him when he returned to me back in '08. He wore that one for the last 3 years, occasionally losing it though and then finding it again in work gloves, ect...Then wedding band #3 was "lost" this past march. So for his birthday in april, I bought him Wedding band #4 and he acted like it was the greatest gift he got, and he was actually wearing it every day.
But, When I found wedding Bands #2 & #3 today in my kitchen, I just about sank. I have been such a fool, I feed into every thing he tells me. I have tried to show him I love him in all sorts of ways, but he is just not sure if he wants to love me back or pursue a new relationship. No wonder I have been going insane for the last few months, but it is pretty clear to me now.
Our current seperation is still part of his MLC, he is still seeking out other woman (on a smaller scale than last time though, aka: stripper). He is drinking more than ever again. He is spending money like crazy again. He is defenitely still in MLC, I just didnt see it clearly untill now. I thought I ruined our relationship we worked so hard to reconcile by blowing up. Not true - Like you said. This was bound to happen and is bound to happen again if I dont set up some clear aspectations and boundaries. I just dont know how to yet. I have always given, given, given to him, took care of him, mothered him, and nurtured his wants and needs. I am not sure of how not to do that for the person that I love so dearly.But I need to figure it out. And SOON. Thanks, TIPPER
My H text me at 2 am last night for the first time to say anything about our R. He said: I hope we can be friends in time, I said- me too. He said: great, I really mean it. I said: so do I.
I know its a short, friendly conversation - but I can tell he is reaching out to me. He is still very confused on what he wants, but this is the first positive sign I have gotten from him since he left last week.
