OnMyWay: to who knows where?

[OnMyWay]

Had a nice weekend with D in So. Cal. Saw some old friends.

In a text exchange with WAW, she asked if I informed them of our sitch. I said I had and that they were in shock over it. She was sad. I just felt another little part of us die. She said she wished she could've seen them. I told her, maybe next time.

I've spent so much time GAL and detaching, how do I know when it is time to turn up the heat and start moving back towards the R? Or do I bother? I guess I don't, as it must be her decision to come back. I think I am just so focused on DBing, I have a "goal" in mind which I must further remove myself from and realize/accept that this is over - do it for myself.

W took the opportunity over the past couple of weeks to "test" the waters and I wasn't very responsive. She's not someone to force herself - she always takes the easy route. Last week wasn't easy. Now, I can feel she's fallen back quite a bit. Is this a good thing? Especially after this past weekend. When D & I leave, I think she feels shut out. She's been cold to me lately and I think it is because of this weekend - she's getting tired of the D & I living the good life together. Normally I wouldn't care, but if I want to remain open to the potential of R, do I need to keep her a little closer to the fire? She hasn't had on her happy face lately.

Or, do I continue to shut her out? Her TV move last week: I'll end up paying for that, even though it's less $$$. Perhaps I should take charge and cancel the whole thing? Or, will she spend more time here watching TV - which might be either good or bad?

Can't wait for her Thursday counseling. I think things will begin to change for her after that. I ready for a change, either way.