Vin - thanks for your post - I am glad others are receiving encouragement from my sitch. Although I have not been the best of church goers (I only go to church on special occasions) I was raised a christain and I do pray and I do believe that He will guide me in my decisions. C is also like me in that she only goes to church on Special occasions but she also belives in Him and I believe that He will guide her as well - Right now I have to have patience to let her work through her emotional problems at her own pace.
As to the kissing on the cheek - that is an unconscious 180 for me in that always when I was going to give her a peck kiss it would be on the lips. I guess it is detatching and it will give her something to think about and when she does come around more and start to make a commentment more then I will automatically go back to my peck on the lips.
after breakfast and a short IM in the morning I had no contact w/ C. I will continue to give her space as she needs it, However, when I give her space, that means that I also have space to work on me and the more I work on me the more I realize I really don't need her. (this does not mean that I don't want her though)
I have a training session with my Personal Physical Trainer tonight and she said she might drop by then. if she does not drop by tonight and since she is going out of town with a bunch of girlfriends, I will not be able to see her til she gets back in town on Sunday night (if I even see her then and as of now there are no plans for that either)
This reminds me of another point on another thing though, When we were talking yesterday morning about our working out and how it was starting to show I reminded her that by my Birthday (in about 6 weeks) that it really should show and she commented that that would be just in time for the start of Summer, and I said, "that is the point"
So my goal for now is to continue to work on me and to do more things that will put me in with a crowd of people (like working out but not like going to single bars) - to keep reminding her through my actions that I might not always be around for her unless she makes the decision to.
Many great things that you are doing and I think that is awesome. You're motivated and focused and that is a plus.
Like I was once told Church a Christian does not make. It is good that you go. I go because I get the fellowship and need the strength right now. I'm sure that I will continue to go and for the longest time I didn't. My kids are really the ones that push me to go because it helps them through all of this. They now know that they have someone that they can talk too that will listen and they don't have to worry about hurting them. They do talk to me and they have tried talking with their dad, but now they are learning that they can talk to God and he will listen. I think they are worried about hurting our feelings if they say too much.
I think it is good for her to miss you and I know what you mean about the detaching. It is nice to need someone because you love them and not love them because you need them. It makes your love stronger, but not so dependent on one single person.
Like you and C, my H and I didn't go to church but a few times a year. We too believe in God and when we would have a sit-down meal where all family members were present we made a chain around the table; holding each others hands and prayed.
Quote: However, when I give her space, that means that I also have space to work on me and the more I work on me the more I realize I really don't need her. (this does not mean that I don't want her though)
Seems like you and I are in the same place right now. This is exactly how I feel!
I want you to know, that I think you're doing great. And hey, I'm proud of you!
Vinlad is great, isn't she!?
C will come back, they just are back in their cave thinking it over.
Well - some nice afternoon PMA Boost - but first some background - Since her house is over an hour away from my office and it was not really close to a good radio station I signed up for XM satellite radio. C really likes one of the channels on the system really well (Sunny on channel 24 ) that plays what a lot of people call "elevator music".
Well I found that XM has a continuious loop audio stream of sample music from all of its channels that is over 2 hours long and I told C about it and we both listen to it all day long. One of the songs on the loop is Andrew Lloyd Webber's "All I ask of You" from the Phantom of the Opra which her nephew and his wife sang for our wedding and we both refer to it as "Our Song".
When it came on her computer this afternoon she IM'd me to tell me that they were playing OUR SONG and I said that the singers really do a good job of it. C told me that the female singer is in concert here next Monday and I responded that I would love to go see her. Well - Long story - short. We have a date to the concert next Monday night.
update - went to work out at the gym - C had told me that she had to work late and would not come to work out but might show up when I was done. She came over to check with the Gym Manager to work out a deal to get some personal training Well she showed up as I was finishing and we arranged for the trainer for her.
We then went to a local Mexican Restaurant to talk some. When we got to the restaurant she gave me a small container of home made soup which she had made (she makes a mean pot of home made soup). It has been several months since she made me some home made soup. (Soupman - If you are hanging around - it was when I was posting in newcomers)
We then went inside and ordered a a margaretta and chips and salsa and just sat and talked and had a good time. Since she is leaving early tomorrow and will be out of town til late Sunday, there will be no contact but she did tell me that she would have her cell phone. Even though she has the nationwide plan with free long distance - that information came out of left field, and she said that almost as if it was an invitation to call her sometime over the weekend. I don’t think I will do that though.
Even though she had an opportunity to let me know, she did not tell me where she was going or if she was going with anyone (I believe she told me last week though that she was going out of town with a bunch of girlfriends) I asked her to promise me that she would have a good time, and to just relax and enjoy herself and to give me a call when she got back into town on Sunday night.
As we said good bye in the parking lot I gave her a really good kiss and hug (well, actually there were several really good kisses and hugs)
I have an appointment w/ a counselor tomorrow night. As of now, nothing planned for Friday night but will work all day Saturday (My file room is a mess so no clients and just go through files) then clean up apartment if I have some time on Saturday night. Sunday sleep in and do some work and if I can I will try to fly again then the gym again and then rest for rest of weekend. Monday night we have a date to hear Sara Brightman.
1. altho no contact w/ C yesterday (out of town) had good memories of the night before and the goodbye kiss.
2. had a meeting with new counselor - although he really had not heard of Michele and he is in private practice and not connected with an orginized religion he is a christian and believes is solution focused therepy and did validate my DBing efforts. Will likely continue to work with him.
3. Finally got tired of my old cell phone (case was broken anyway) so I upgraded to a new toy so I have a to figure out how to make all the bells and whistles work
Everyone - go out and have a great day and a better weekend. You all can do this because we are all DBing and working on ourselves. I know that my future will be great. I don't know how just yet but since I have faith in myself and in His guideance I know it will happen. I also have faith that C will be part of my future happiness but if she does not want to be part of that life then I will be happy with someone else. Either way it will be fun watching how my future developes.
