AA35, so sorry you find yourself here with the rest of us. Take heart, you are not alone. We have all been there, we are better now, you will be better also.
Just before my W dropped her bomb I purchased a 9mm. I my mind the 9 and this sitch were related. The 9 began to look very friendly and a solution to the pain. It is gone, sold to a cousin.
When my mom was 10 yrs old her father found a similar solution and went through with it. The scars, anger and pain she still carries at 84 yrs old prevented me from following through.
Your people will experience similar if you follow through. Do not. Do not. In the entire world there is only one of you. You are unique. Do not deprive the rest of us and your loved ones.
You will get through this. It is a marathon not a sprint. You will have set backs, use them to learn from and grow stronger for the next mile.
While waiting for a post to show up read others. Follow the links some of us have posted to our first post. See how we’ve grown; see how a few have actually busted their D, see how we are all stronger, realize you will be stronger too.
Start a journal copying what you find here that speaks to you. Mine is in word and a simple copy and paste. I review it and from time to time post from it.
I find physical activity helps me GAL, got to love those endorphins. Do what works for you. Sometimes a couple of deep breaths and a walk in the park for a change of scene is enormously effective.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
