I am just so afraid this time it is the real end. I cant see him trying to recover unless if he hit a HUGE ROCK BOTTOM of some sort. He is no where near that yet. He told me his bar patterns will not change. He loves his Beer and shots. He loves the attention he gets from knowing all the rest of the bar flies and bar tenders.
I was looking back into my 2008 journal last night from when he returned to me last time. It was an eye opener for me.First he apologized and said he would do any thing to work our M out even if it meant cutting back on the bars.Everyone of my concerns I listed were about his drinking and amount of times at the bars and how often he would blow me off and cancel plans for the whole first 6 months of our R.
It made me realize that I really do have a problem drinker on my hands, and I just dont think I can live the way I was these past few months. I guess I want a healthy relationship in which both parties are trying to make the Rel work. I want to feel loved and not just hear the words rumbling out of a drunken slur.
I have been such a push over. My addiction is my H and making this M work. I bend over backwards to make him happy and let him go out drinking. He would text me from the bars, as I would be home hurt and alone : That what matters most to him is that I Love him unconditionally. In other words he was getting eveything he wanted while I got thrown the bone.
I am going to my first alanon meeting tonight at 8(thank God). And my sister in law called me to ask me if She could go with me. I did not pursue help from her, but i accepted to take her for the support. Plus, she loves her brother too. TIPPER
