Am I on the right track?

[NEmoose43]

Oh God, things just got worse...much much worse.

Had to leave my office and go to W's office (we work for the same company, just different locations) to pick up some files. Stopped and grabbed some coffee and a scone for her. No expectations with that, just know she has to work at 5:30AM and would need it. Went to put them with her stuff and saw a small notebook I hadn't seen before sitting with her keys. Shouldn't have opened it, but I did. It turned out to be just a place for her to put random thoughts and stuff she needed to do, but there were a couple diary-type entries...and they were bad.

From last week: "What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I trying to decide between two guys when I should be deciding whether or not I want to be married or single. I want to choose Moose and work on our M because I feel like OM will not fight for me. But when I am with OM I want to choose him..."

Then from yesterday: "Spent all day Saturday and Saturday night with OM and [his daughter], I love them both more and more each day..."

Saw W a bit after this, and she actually apologized for being a little harsh with me from the weekend and said she just needed to get through this week. She could tell I had something else on my mind, so she asked me if there was anything else I wanted to say. I should have just left it alone, but I said that I was sorry that my mind went to the worst case scenario all the time. And I said I wondered all day Saturday and Saturday night where she actually was. This obviously upset her, but she swore again and again that she had spent the day with her friend.

I put in a call to my lawyer when I got back to my office. I want to make sure I have all my bases covered legally in case she decides the other way, and he said that we need to talk about gathering evidence in case this goes to court. Not sure if I want to go down this road or not.

Funny, she just called and apologized again. Said she fully understands what I'm feeling because she went through the same thing during my EA 3 years ago. Man did I have to bite my tongue. I wanted to scream "Yeah, but I never spent the weekend at her house!!!!"

I don't know what to do. I want her back, I want us back, and I told her that and I know she knows it. Do I go fully dark and hope she makes the choice to try again and not throw us away for a guy who's 13 years older than her and has a kid from an already broken marriage?

God help me, I don't know what to do.