W came back this morning & our converation was a little frayed to begin with. SHe asked if I was angry with her, I apologised and said that it was because I din't sleep wll and was tired. She said the same.
We did talk a little but she seemed not to want to. She busied herself baking and did not pay me much attention.
I was taking D13 to a local festival so had to leave at midday. W said she would be gone by the time we returned so we said our goodbyes as I left. We hugged and kissed. I said that I missed her ( 4x2 ) and she said she missed me, closely followed by 'but i'm not in love with you anymore'. I said that I still loved her ( 4x2 ) and asked whether she still loved me ( 4x2 ) just as D13 entered the room. She did say that she still loved me but without a great deal of conviction.
D13 & me went to the festival and it was horrible. Too many people, too noisy, strange atmosphere and neither of us wanted to stay so we came back after an hour or so.
Had a long chat with D13 and it transpires that W has been so wrapped up in her new life that D13 is feeling left out and neglected. W no longer does mum things with her and leaves her to her own devices for long periods. D13 has always been a little withdrawn from the family - both me & W at fault on that score - but for her to feel like this worried me. I texted W and told her we needed to talk about this. She sounded annoyed but phoned me later. She would not come back to discuss it. I am sure she was outside OM's house as she was talking to me - she was giggling occasionally at something or someone. She does not want me to wait for her to come back this evening so in effect does not want to see me. She wants to talk later in the week on the phone.
I was not accusational and repeatedly told her that I was not blaming her for any of this but that she needed to re-assess her priorities in regard to D13 & S17. I admitted that this began well before our M breadown & took as much responsibility as her in this respect
Also D13 said OM has been to our house. She mentioned his name, which I knew. This really hurt. She referred to him as mums friend although I think that she may suspect. Kids ain't stupid. I said nothing on that score.
Overall feeling incredibly low and deflated. Just want this to be over. Hate coming home to see W because of the effect it has on me but I need to be here even more now beacuse of the children.
Life s*cks FF99
Me 48 W 49 D19, S17, D14 Together 25yr, Married 22yr Me checked-out July 10, back Sept 10 W checked out Nov 10 Separated Dec 10 ILYBNILWY 2nd Apr 11 We're finished + D bomb 17th Apr 11
