Mission 25. I Really Mean it this time>

[ninelives]

YOu are right Country. Have such a tough time accepting her choice and IF we ever did RECOn. , it would be tough in this town to live it down but I could do it.

Oldest son went over last night and she requested that she have him to herself.

She called twice. I anwered real upbeat.

W: Hello

M: Hello, who is this?

W: Its me

M: How are you ?

W: Im ok

M: How was your night?

W: What do you mean?

M: You feeling better?

W: Yes , thanks , Can i talk to oldest son, I want him tonight and only him. Please keep young one.

M: You got it. ( I call old son)

M: BTW, i massaged oldest son last night and he let me, he usually doesnt. He also is not doing well at school.

W: I know, he let me rub his back last time he was here and he doesnt usually let me. His marks are bad but thats nothing to do with our situation.

M: Maybe not, okay, here he is.

W: Okay bye.

She talks to him and makes plans.
I reinforced after he hung up that his mom does love him but was tired last night.

She called again later, and wanted to talk to sons again, but this time, neither one was here. We didnt talk after that, brief and then hung up.

Again , keeping it light and upbeat.

Yard looks great and keeping up with all housework. Next going to tackle the deck.

Even cleaned out the old car and put up new reflecters on the driveway.

Feel good about cleaner house.

Its helping with my psyche.

Ok, here comes another day, positve about everyone as per my goals.

9

[LITB]

M: BTW, i massaged oldest son last night and he let me, he usually doesnt. He also is not doing well at school.

W: I know, he let me rub his back last time he was here and he doesnt usually let me. His marks are bad but thats nothing to do with our situation.

Much better on this convo 9. Keep it up.

One thing you brought up is that your S is not doing well in school. I did the same thing with my W when my D began to struggle. She had a similar response. I still had much anger at the time and told her, "keep telling yourself that!! You're only fooling yourself to justify your decision". Remember 9, it doesn't matter what we say, because their actions are justified in their minds.

I had to get myself to a good place, so I can be the best father possible. I look at it this way, if my kids struggle, it isn't going to be for a lack of effort on my part. They deserve my very best and so do yours. My D is doing much better now.

[ninelives]

I opened my mail today and was shocked. I had a bill go past due for sometime and it went to collections.

WTF.. I pay my bills on time. So i inquire, It was a bill from my insurance company for eyeglasses for oldest son. They send me a bill to cover and then I pay eye doctor. Easy enough.

So i call collections and they tell me that insur. sent cheques that were either cashed or ignored. Bottom line, eye doc doesnt get money.

I call wife:

M: I just got a letter from collections , do you know anything about cheques from insur for eye glasses.

W: AW crap, yeah, i kept meaning to cash them but kept forgetting , they are stale now.

M: Thats well and good but I just got letter from collections, my credit rating may be affected now.

W: OH, Im sorry, i just forgot all about it.

(Typical wife, but doesnt phase me too much, Im all about damage control now)
CRap, what should I do now.

M: Not your problem, its all in my name. Ill handle it.

W: IM so sorry, is there something I can do?

M: Nope, I gotta go and deal with this Bye.

W: Okay Bye

I called back collector. I tell her I know you have heard every story but believe me, this was an oversight.. Blah blah blah.

Bottom line, if i get cheque to her right away. all is good.

NO problems.

9

Maybe I am better with out her. (Just kidding)

[♪CS♪]

I still sense some little jabs in there. But you are really doing well man. MUCH better.

BTW, you misspelled checks.

[ninelives]

Canadian spelling of cheques Country. We make things difficult on ourselves. Our election tonight as well.

Do you really think that I was giving some jabs? I suppose I didnt have to tell her about collections.

I think she should know though in case I do get a bad credit rating. I dont want her thinking that I am floundering without her in charge of the finances.

In fact, despite not having her income to help pay bills etc, there is actually more money in the account at the end of the month. She loved to spend.

Also, she dropped off oldest son at my place and commented on how much she liked the new car to son and that the yard looked really good.

Just have to sustain all this and it is partly for her to look at and it does feel good to have a nice yard and house. It is making me feel better about myself.

Keeping up with the laundry is a constant battle, and cooking decent meals for the kids. I miss having her to share the load.

I did take her for granted for sure.

9

[ninelives]

Took care of the collections problem. Just told agent the truth, sent a check(am) and everything should be back to normal.

Woke up to the thought of her again, but with less pain. Maybe I will beat this. Was told about some motorcycle rally in July.

It dawned on me that I have done alot of things for me since she left but I think I would still trade all that for my family in tact.

Another day. Stay positive 9. Good about everybody.

9

[ninelives]

Reread my post. I miss her to share the load but I MISS HER period. I dont want her to be the cook or the cleaner.

What I miss the most was waiting for her to come home at the end of her shift and she would always say " hello" from the bottom of the stairs at 7:40 or so. That time period is still tough for me although getting better.

I miss giving her massages and just talking to her and watching tv with her.

I saying this because I dont want the board to think that I just miss the domestic duties she did around the house. I took that for granted but there is so much more.

It doesnt sound like it but I am detaching little by little. There will come a day when I will not think about it.

I wonder if there comes a day when you dont think about her for the entire day. That would be sweet and sad at the same time.

Also, mother's day is approaching and her birthday, I will get simple presents from the children and that is all.

Thoughts on this?

9

[♪CS♪]

I am also on the fence on how to handle Mothers Day. My D is not old enough for do something on her own, so it is tough. I had planned to give her something "from D" but I still don't know exactly how or what to do.

Might be good to poll the board on this...

BTW, I understand all the things you miss.

It is really just having that partner in life. "Don't know what you have until it's gone..."

[ninelives]

Navigated yesterday without incident and without any contact from W. Youngest son made the soccer team as a keeper and wanted me to take shots on him in the back yard. We did for about an hour and tried to rake at the same time.

He wanted badly to tell W about making the team but her phone was busy all night. I think then she had a night shift.

Im finding it really tough to keep up with everything, like laundry , cooking, cleaning etc.. Im doing it but have Zero down time, other than this site.

She called this morning and wanted to drop by to give him shoes?

She could have done this at school. So i am struggling to get the lunches made, and to get myself ready and shaved etc..

Im taking the bike this morning so I get all my gear on , warm up the bike and then she pulls in looking kinda rough. I guess night shift cause she also has her nurse gear on. She walks right by me, says nothing, son hugs her. She says a few things, I put my helmet on. She looks back and waves. Im doing things on the bike so no real free hand, so I my wave back is delayed,
She gives me a sneer and keeps walking to her van.

Backs up and drives away, I get on the bike and head on to school.

It made me sad all the way to work thinking. So this is what its come to. The person I cared about the most in the world and I can barely exchange greetings. Really sad.

BTW: 25, you have dug up a real old post when she left the first time and I didnt know about OM.

The mental hospital? I asked her to go to the hospital after I found out about the affair. She came back last July but was not very kind to me and didnt want to have intimate contact of any kind. Texted alot and was on her laptop alot but I was oblivious to an affair although I did ask her from time to time.

This is all on my older posts. Bottom line, when I found out about affair from her blackberry. I lost my mind, called her every name in the book. Told her to leave and go to her house which she bought last JUNE and we were trying to rent out. She pleaded with me that it was just an EA and it was just stupid words etc. She pleaded that I give her another chance etc.

But these were all lies. I told her that i was going for a bike ride to clear my head and when I got back , I wanted her gone.

When i came back, one of her best friends was there, she was in the bathtub and her frined showed me a knife she had.

I think this was just drama looking back. When her friend left. I changed her, was calm but continued to insist that she leave and that our marriage was over. When she got the first chance, she bolted to the kitchen and got out a knife and meekly tried to slit her wrist. I wresteld the knife from her and my oldest son woke up and saw me on top of her , keeping the knife away from her wrists.

There was much more to this story but the end result was I didnt want her alone and wanted her undersuicide watch. I drove her to the city and the truth eventually came out and again, I handled it poorly. I wish I would have read more on this site but I did EVERYTHING wrong except insist she see the doctor and then she decided to stay in the mental hospital overnight but they kept her for 2 weeks.

I visited her often and calmed down and stayed with her. but she pushed away as the days passed and all but told me that she was selecting the OM.

Hope this helps 25. lIke i said, the whole sorted affair is on my NOvember posts.

9

[islander]

9
I know what you mean about missing your W and taking everything she did for granted. I too dont have much down time and spend a ton of time cleaning. And funny, but, I also want the yard and house looking extra good for whenever she does come by. I have always tried to keep it up, but now more than ever.

As far as mothers day, I am not doing or saying anything. If I were to do something, it would only be a simple happy mothers day greeting.

Truth is, my W is not a good mother at all right now. My SD is acting out, and it is only going to get worse. She does not seemed to be concerned about it, and discounts it.

I don't think you should do or say anything 9. JMO. We are in pretty much the same boat.