Sanderika. the commanility is that the MLCer had critical harsh or judging parents, so that they felt unloved. They are driven by a need to succeed and prove to themselves and the world that they are OK. They never achieve enough to feel OK though, and always, paradoxically feel entitled to more than they are getting.
They were poorly parented and have trouble in relating to their children, they felt emotionally abandoned by their parents and see any actions by us [depression in your case, first bout of cancer in mine . . as 'leaving them'].
Death is also a significant trigger for them - in my h's case my mother's death. Also for older MLcers their children growing up, leaving home, getting married all contribute to their sense that life is pasing them by, and they are being left inthe slow lane.
I think part of MLC for many is their attempt to live life in the fast llane, centre stage. Inside they are the lost unappreciated, and lonely child who cannot fully relate to anyone. They do not address this, and so it festers, and bursts out at some point.
They are angry with us because they see us as holding them back from the life they wanted, as abandoning them, or potentially doing so. They are immature at a very fundamental level and some of them never do grow up.
I would also add that working through the crisis takes a very long time. The 'time line' of 7years is probably an underestimate for most. I think if my h makes it through it will be more than 8 years. But he will likely bail out of the process. He doesn't even realise he is working through it, and maybe I am deluding myself.[Certainly not holding my breath] It would be good for him if he could sort it all out.
