Am I on the right track?

[NEmoose43]

9, you are so right. Had a long talk with a good friend today about not doing ANYTHING with expectations, but doing things only out of unconditional love...for W and for myself. Tough to do, I know, but that's the goal.

The dog thing was just the last thing I needed after yesterday...and he's fine by the way, turns out seizures are common in his breed due to dehydration. Poor little guy, he's had a rough day just like his dad!

Anyway, quick update. W hung around at the house until I got home from work today to say goodbye...I took this as a really good sign. If she was really upset or didn't care, she wouldn't have wanted to see me at all. Finals for the end of her first year of grad school this week, so I won't be seeing her until at least Saturday, if not later. Here's what I told her:

M - "W, I realized in my [DB coaching] session yesterday that I've been incredibly selfish by always having to talk to you about things. When we have talked about things, my reactions have put expectations on every response that you've made, and that is not fair to you, regardless of whether I had those expectations intentionally or not. And those expectations have made it next to impossible for you to get right with yourself, which is the reason you wanted some time apart in the first place. I understand now that you wanted to be happy with yourself before you could even attempt to be happy about you and I."

W - That's it exactly...I haven't been able to find the words to tell you that, but you hit the nail on the head there.

M - I know, and you thought if you said that I'd take it as some sort of guarantee right?

W - Yup.

M - I also know that I've promised to give you space and not keep bringing this up, and I haven't done that. And I know that makes you think "How can I trust the promises he wants to make about being married to me if I can't even trust him to put a sock in it when he says he's going to."

..she just smiled at me and nodded and said "You're pretty smart sometimes Moose...but then again, you can be pretty dumb." And we both laughed. Really nice moment.

So I wished her luck on her exams and told her she knew where I was if she needed anything. She said thanks and that I can always text or call if I need anything, and said that we'd talk next weekend when school was done. Had a nice hug goodbye, she kissed me on the cheek and I kissed her forehead, and we left it at that. No tears, no begging, and we both left smiling.

So, now comes a tough week. Not going dark exactly, but this has to be the week where I really detach and let her do what she needs to do. Gotta put the GAL machine into overdrive this week. But do I avoid contacting her at all??? Or only when it's natural? Anyone have any advice?