I know its sunday and there are not a lot of people on the forums, but I am dying inside and I need help.
My H has left me again, after piecing for the last 3 years. He is an alcoholic at the bars EVERYNIGHT now. I cant live that way. I exploded, and I knew it was coming, I just couldnt hold all my rejection in.
So 2 nights ago, I blew up about the amount of drinking he is doing (again), and he said "fine,I am leaving". I was so mad, I said here let me help ya and I started ragefully throwing his stuff at him. He left and spent that night at a hotel. I have no idea where he is staying other than that.
He said to me in a text that night: "I want us to both be truely happy, and we might be able to be a "we" but my motives wont waiver, I need time".
I responded: "then take the time, I need love- not someone that I am constantly being suspiscious about because they are at the local bars all night, I dont know how else to feel, I am grasping at straws".
I realize now in retrospect- I should have been going to al-anon about 3 years ago, when he first returned to me. I didnt. I regret that.I am going to go tommorow if possible.
All I know right now, is that I am sick of being the one putting all the work and effort into this marriage while he is out having his fun. I feel abandoned again, and rejected, and I dont know how much more of this I can take before I break. I am laid off from my full time tenured teaching position I had for 8 years and now am on unemployment. I dont know how I will get by finacially. I feel lost and I just dont have anything left to live for. I am so scared.HELP PLEASE! TIPPER
