New - HELP! Tried the 180/Last Resort & Failed

[AloneAt35]

Thank you everyone for your support. Today is a tough day. My mom left this morning and then I received an email from my partner telling me he wouldn't be coming home today to pick up papers after all. As much as I was dreading seeing him, I was eager to show him my new 180/LRT mentality. The only way I can do that now is by not replying to the email.

What he is doing seems so heartless. I am struggling so much. I am financially dependent on him (although I worked part-time and am now looking for a FT job), I have no transportation (but am looking for a cheap car - difficult without any transportation), and I discovered that I can't push the lawnmower when the grass has gotten as long as it has. The little things overwhelm and humiliate me. I got a prescription for an anti-depressant, but can't pick it up because I am stuck without a car.

Do I ask him for help, or does this ruin the 180/LRT?

I feel so hopeless and very isolated since we moved far away from friends and family to this house. The computer is my lifeline.

I want to save our relationship. I want to GAL and be a stronger person. I NEED to do these things for myself just to survive and not even to draw him back. I pray a lot.

My mom says that since I cannot literally go any place, I can still do things to GAL. Exercise at home, continuing submitting resumes to FT jobs, pick up the house that has become my pit of depression since he stopped coming home, continue finding support on the internet to overcome the suicidal urges, continuing to envision a future even though one does not seem possible right now.

Is there really hope for a relationship like this, where I have become so incapacitated by grief and he has moved on at lighting speed? Before he told me that he didn't love me, I was a normal, happy person - though it is clear that my dependency (emotional and otherwise) was greater than I ever suspected.

I want to be out of this hole immediately. I want a life that does not depend on him. There are just so many steps to be taken to get there. I'm very scared and overwhelmed.