LITB has a good point, it is obvious the anger is still there, but for now "fake it 'till you make it." It is the best we can do sometimes. Not showing those emotions to your W is a great start.
Quote:
M: W, son really needs you tonight. He is out of sorts and is feeling a little down,
W: Well Im effing tired , my back is killing me and I have worked 12 hours, I just want to relax by myself and watch a movie
M: Yeah but he wont bother you, let him watch a movie with you , its no problem is it?
W: Did you put this in his head tonight.
M: NO i did not. ( feel temperature rising but get it undercontrol) He just needs you tonight,
W: Why are you trying to make me feel guilty? Im a bad mother RIGHT?
M; Im not trying to make you feel guilty. You know he is going through tough times, IF you cant do it than there is nothing I can say. Its your choice.
W: Im a bad mother Right?
(honestly im at a loss for words) I say nothing
W: Well obviously your silence confirms this.
M: I dont know what to say. I guess all i can say is have a good night.
W: He just wants to come here and play his video games and then he yells at the TV. ITs nothing to do with me. I know him.
M: I know him as well and Im telling you, he just wants to be with you tonight.
W: WEll IM sorry but i am really tired. I cant have him tonight.
( I am so tempted to go by there and see if his truck is in the driveway but maybe he wont drive it this time, they hid the affair for a year so im sure he could be over there)
I am truly at a loss right now. Can she possibly put him infront of her son? I guess she may be more far gone than even I thought.
I know she is tired but COME ON! She always complains that her relationship with him is fragile, THIS IS NOT HELPING.
M: Okay, well if thats all , I can only wish you a good night
W: ARe you mad at me?
M: Does it really matter what I am ?
(her anger starts to show)
i dont know what she said but her voice inflicts and I just want to get off the phone now.
M: Okay, well thats it then.
W: Let me talk to oldest son please.
I suggest cutting all of this out next time. A simple "I understand, I'm sure you are very tired" would end it quick.
I know it is frustrating that your W did not want your S over. TBH, it amazes me. BUT, she will either feel guilty about that or she won't. If she does feel guilty, you either give her the option to blame you for the guilt or you don't.
Quote:
I cant believe my W has let herself be controlled by him. She is 8 years his senior. I think she is going to have one heck of an awakaning some day and NOT believe what she has done.
You say this A LOT man. It is probably true. But right now it is reality. The quicker you can accept that reality and get this thought out of your head the better.
Sorry to hear your S is hurting. This has to be very tough on him. Just remember, you have to be the ROCK right now. Your W won't be, so who does that leave?
You and your S's first. I know you know this, but just a friendly reminder.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
