Yes, I agree I am getting good advice here. Guess I just have it in my head if I am nice and give in to everything he wants then I am just getting taking advantage of and he is just gonna sit back and laugh and be like, look what I got her to give me. But I do understand this is what I have to do, to make him see I am the woman that he loved and asked to marry him. But feel as to it may be to late.
W 37 H 34 No Children Married 04/23/2010 Together Since 11/2009 Seperated 03/10/2011 Not Yet Filed/Kind of expecting them anyday.
Cat04- I understand that I didnt do the right thing. But I just got very upset that this was the 1st contact that we had and I was feeling good and wanted to be nice and then he just automaticly jumps to coming get his grill. I do love my husband and want US to work, but I do have to control my emotions and feelings of rejection and hurt better. My anger is from him leaving both time without telling me and while I'm at work or just away. I have felt as if thru our whole relationship I have walked on eggshells around him and could never really say what I felt because he would get his feelings hurt or be upset and I just thought that I couldnt keep that in any more. Not the right choice with our 1st conversation, I understand that. But I'm just so darn mad that he left the way he did and acts like it doesnt bother him one bit when hurt me badly.
Staci,
I bolded my most favorite (not!) word in the English dictionary in your response to me...
BUT...is an excuse...
For not doing what you know you should be doing...and doing what you FEEL like doing whether you should or not...
It is necessary to remove that word from your thinking and your vocabulary...
I could (and did) say things like that for years...
And it kept me from healing, from changing, from achieving my goals because there was always a but...that kept me from doing what I knew I should have been doing.
Setting goals that you can achieve...
I am going suggest starting with dealing with this anger...
In order to control your reactions and actions with your H...
Let's start with not reacting if he says something that rattles you...
Be nice, act AS IF it doesn't bother you, learn how to validate him (there are great resources here and on the internet about that)...
At first it is going to feel very fake, you are going to be wanting to make the snide comments and are going to have to bite your tongue...
Then come here and vent and let it out.
The anger...comes, in part, from you having expectations of how YOU want the interaction to go...
Let go of expectations right now...
The odds of him acting in a way that is going to make you happy, are slim at this point...simply because you both have different ideas of how your relationship should look. You want it, he doesn't.
Feel the anger, release it, but STOP releasing it on him...
because right now, you are only furthering his cause of leaving you...
By reinforcing his beliefs about you...
You may have to end conversations quickly, in order to not have things turn sour...
Or not respond to certain things at all right away...
Time is your friend here, even if it doesn't feel like it is...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Cat04- Thank you so much for the advice. That really hit home and makes alot of sense to me. I hope and pray that I can follow all your advice and it makes me a better person, just hope I am not to late. I have never been very good at explain or expressing my emtions and feel like to me I have to let them out, but I understand this is not the time. I am not doing anything to get my H back with my bad or angry attitude with him. Thank you again for being totally honest with me and my reactions, I do see it and want to change.
W 37 H 34 No Children Married 04/23/2010 Together Since 11/2009 Seperated 03/10/2011 Not Yet Filed/Kind of expecting them anyday.
Ok so you need to learn HOW to express your emotions...
in a postive way...
In order to be able to do that, you have to understand what those emotions really are and why you feel them...
Often, anger is a mask or cover for fears and other feelings, because anger is the easiest to express...
Have you read anything about communication, validation?
It may help you to write things here first, as if you were blurting them out and see if you can get some ideas on better ways to actually communicate those things to other people...
So often, poor communication, is the root of all evil in these situations...
Especially since we all have filters and do not always HEAR what is being said...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
