WAW, and a bisexual open marriage

[25yearsmlc]

Cat...
Good, I didn't think a direct confrontation was the right thing to do.
No it's not, unless it happens b/c of her and then I'd say just don't "chicken out" about the important things if she asks for examples. But I agree with Cat, don't go looking for a confrontation. It seems a little hard to avoid them, though. She pushes your buttons.

I have been doing the exercises in NMMNG and it has really opened up my eyes. Sometimes I get mad at her for the way things have been, but realize now that most of it has been based on my own insecurities.

If that's true, then that is work only you can do. And you have to.

I think the best thing that has happened to me is knowing that I can do everything in the world and still lose her. (By lose her I also mean that she goes through and finds a PA and EA). This realization has helped me to stand up, and tell her what I feel, and what I need from her. Just earlier today she physically hurt me while playing, I told her that we can play fight all she wants, but to be careful she doesn't hurt me, once she doesn't get her way. She got quiet, and then a few minutes went into our bedroom and is now sleeping there. Not sure if she is mad, don't really care. I'm sure she'll get over it.

I'm not sure I get this. Seems to me a lot of your behavior is fear driven and your fear is her leaving or having a PA. Am I missing something?

I respect myself in all aspects, except when it has come to my W. That has been my biggest weakness.

Yes it is your biggest weakness and it's the opposite of what it will take to make it work. That's what confuses me. You KNOW she needs direction and strength and confidence from you, but you "show her your cards" all the time. I am not into games exactly, but I think a little mystery and confidence from you is mandatory. Plus, as CAT said, what is up with the lack of self respect you have in this R? You have to believe you are a great catch so that only a fool would leave you or treat you in a way that may cause you to leave. Assuming you do the work to get there, it will show. But it has to be real. The paradox is that you will be more attractive to her when you realize you'd be fine without her.

I realized months ago when I started DBing that I had to be happy regardless of the outcome.
YES...see above...

Reading NMMNG lately has opened my eyes and showed me that I am this spineless weak, yet conniving bastard, because I did not love myself. I let my W do all this because I was afraid of losing her, and because I have been so desperate for her approval. I hope that is no more.

Lots of fear driving you into walls over and over again...don't let her push your buttons so much. A confident man is not needy for approval or terrified of abandonment. A confident (and attractive!!) man knows that smart good women would want to be with him and if a woman doesn't want to be with such a great catch, that's her loss.


Oh btw I played cards for 4 hours and came in 3rd today!!!! This is a big deal considering I have been only playing for a month, and we have some of the best players in the state. Oh yeah.....

good for you.