Game Point 2

[tryingtilDorR]

I haven't posted in about six months. My story is that I had a WAW in an EA for about 18 months before she moved out, which was almost a year ago. I filed for D in July 2010. Initially we were negotiating without Lawyers, but I retained one in October and she did the same in December.

Since then we have been splitting time with our kids. I am still in the family home. I considered selling it but am now going to hold on to it for a while. She is renting but wants to try to buy a house because the kids don't like her place much.

She is dating the guy she had the A with still, but he is a real loser. I met someone last summer and we are still together, although she hasn't been heavily-integrated with my children yet which is starting to cause some strain on our R.

So, that's my history. However, I wanted to tell the Newcomers here some things I learned.

Read this site. I learned a TON here about how to set boundaries and sort out what I wanted to do. I also learned about the mistakes I was making, but many times you can't help it because emotions are hard to control.

Like many of you, I was distraught and very hurt for a long time, particularly before she moved out and I knew she was having the EA (likely PA). It was devastating. I couldn't work, eat, etc. The advice you get here is very good - try to keep your head held high and detatch. I only wish I could have done then what I do now, which is completely detatch but I don't have to try or work at it now obviously. However, you will survive and life will get better.


Don't move out of your house - it is one of the things I did right. If the WAS wants to be with other people, emotionally, physically, whatever, then they don't belong int he family home.

Decide if you need to file for D based upon how you feel and when you feel you have had enough and would not consider R. I did it once she moved out and I got reports about her being seen in town with OM. I also had met someone else myself at that point.

WAWs don't know what they are doing typically and will likely 'wake up' at some point and realize that they did a lot of damage. Mine has finally. We were sitting at court last week while our Ls were in a conference, and she said "Lets forget the whole thing - I'll move back home and we stop seeing other people". I was kind of floored but knew this was coming based upon info I was hearing from others about her recent statements to them.

Do your best with your children and don't bring other partners around them too soon. WAW still hasn't brought her BF around my kids as far as I know. There is too much of a stigma I think becaus my teenagers know he was the one she was involved with when she was here. My GF educated me quite a bit about when is the right/wrong time to introduce others to your kids. She put the brakes on it for me and it was a wise move.

As far as R with the WAW, I am very conflicted. I feel like I have found a great partner that I could spend the rest of my life with in my GF, but there is a lot of work ahead integrating families. Also, I really don't like the BF and don't want him around my kids but would be very open to any other partner WAW might have, so an attempted R would kill that possibility (current BF being with my kids) possibly. I told her no initially, but I know if I changed positions on that she would be willing to do it. IF I don't I know I will always wonder whether or not we could have put it together again especially down the road when integrating other partners and family get difficult.