29 years ago today, I stood before God, family and friends and vowed to love and cherish my H till death do us part.
I still do not understand why or what was so bad about our marriage that H felt he had to leave, and then after 15 months, file for divorce.
I have accepted that I may never know the real reasons he had for doing what he did. On May 5, H will have been gone for 18 months. In looking back, he has been gone for a lot longer than that.
I still don't understand why he seems so filled with hatred of me that he can't even look at me. Yesterday, I was out mowing the lawn, something H used to love to do. H came and got D12, and took her out for a motorcycle ride. H parked at the end of the driveway out by the road to pick her up. He motioned for her to come and get on the bike out there instead of pulling in as usual. I know it was because he didn't want to see me.
I did wonder if while he was out riding the bike with D, if he thought back to 29 years ago and remembered that we were out riding the bike on the day before our wedding.
I have let H go, and know this is very likely my last anniversary still legally married to him.
As for me, I will keep the vow I made to love H till death. No one can take that from me. I love him enough to let him go and find the happiness that he didn't find with me.
