I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ClingingToHope]

Happy and sad at the same time. STBXW responded to the email from last week, clarifying where the settlement money will come from and asking questions about whether my bankruptcy will affect her mortgage.

She offered to have her mom store the wedding rings and the bankruptcy court wouldn't have to know.

It's a nice gesture and one I absolutely have no interest in accepting. Not claiming the wedding rings would be federal fraud and, my L told me, the ex-spouses get to see all of the stuff in a bankruptcy so STBXW would have the ability to turn me in if she felt like it. You don't want to mess around in bankruptcy.

Would she turn me in? I don't think so. Deep down she's a good person. But I also never thought she'd divorce me and when stress gets to her she lashes out. Could I see a scenario where she gets herself in a hole financially, turns to me and then threatens me if I don't help her.

Yes. There's no way I want her having any power over me post divorce.

I responded that not claiming the rings would be fraud.

I forwarded the settlement stuff to my L so he can adjust the wording.

I am relieved and a little happy that she didn't see all of the legalese and get spooked and go get another lawyer.

I also can't kill the 1 percenter in me who hates opening the emails and see her continue to march on to the end. That little corner of my soul still remembers the person I thought she was and not the one she turned out to be.

Tonight, I'm in a little hotel in the Chicago suburbs. I gave up my weekend with the girls to work three days at my summer side job. I'll make $525 this weekend -- minus meals and gas -- and will spend half of legal bills and the other half on summer stuff with the girls.

I did get a weekend back -- STBXW agreed to let me have them father's day weekend. That means I'll have D12 14 out of 16 nights in June. I have a week where I just have her. I am going to try to work a Chicago night trip in that week -- hopefully instill some big city vibe into her because STBXW just keeps pouring little town living into her.

I am seriously tired though. My feet hurt. My knees ache. This is a young man's gig. I couldn't do this every weekend. I look forward to next summer when I should be in good enough shape financially to only accept the weekend jobs when I'm free and not give up any time with the girls.

Really, I'm 95 percent good. This nightmare may be over in June. My summer is shaping up very nicely. Money right now is not that big of a concern. When I think of the future, I'm not scared I'll be broke and alone. Instead, I wonder how it'll be at the girls' high school graduations, college graduations, weddings, birth of the grandchildren.

There was so much promise at the beginning, and I see where a lot of it went wrong. I don't like the person she is now, and perhaps this is the person she was all along, but I still feel such a sense of waste and feel that will always be there when she's in the room.