just so I am clear, I don't see you as in "piecing" yet. That takes two people working on the R. Don't get all defensive when I ask my next question, ok?
But where is the idea that she is working on the R coming from? I mean, simply not filing for div isn't "piecing". "Piecing" is, at a minimum, putting the concept/threat of divorce to the side for a time so that piecing can have a chance. Having the sword of Damacles (or divorce) hanging over your head all the time, 24/7 is no way to live. You are on egg shells.
Seems to me she's constantly testing you, usually in ways you'll fail, and she's extremely confused herself. Has she said she wants to work on the M? If so, how?
Those are basics to start with, other than your own work. And when you do your own work, the R has to change, by definition. R's between 2 people are necessarily affected by changes in one. So if you change your ways (in ways that you want to) at some point she'll react differently, or not. But the R itself will be new. And then if she does want to work on it, she'll change, and the R will continue to evolve.
Our 30th anniversary is coming up. Our m is, and always will be, a work in progress. But the word/concept/threat of divorce was banished a few years ago, when we chose to piece and then to recommit fully.
It's a paradox in some ways. On one hand you can't take each other for granted. But on the other hand, you have to trust that a mistake or misstep or even a small fight won't end the marriage in one fell swoop. And you have to trust enough to function as a couple, (you being late from work can't make her think you are having an A) but requires openess of emotions too, and that is apparently hard for her. How is she with all her friends? Is she open or extroverted? Are her childhood friends still in touch?
Good luck, hang in there.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
