Am I on the right track?

[NEmoose43]

Well, feeling low today. Always rough to have a day off when W isn't going to be around.

She is up at school studying and hanging out with friends today. I know her EA is probably around as the class they are both in has a study group today. Scares the poop out of me to think that she's really going up there to see him, but it doesn't change what I'm doing as far as DB goes.

Spoke to her on the phone for a bit while she was driving up. She asked how my DB coaching went today...told her it really helped me realize a lot of things about myself that I wanted to change. I think W felt that the coaching sessions were a ploy to try and figure out how to get her back, and though that's my end goal, I think it helps her to hear that Laurie really focuses things on me. Yeah it's about saving my M, but I really like the person that I've become.

My only question is what to do when W heads back to the house tonight. She has already said she may just go back to her parents, and I told her that was perfectly cool, and that I would never tell her not to go if that's what she wanted. I'm trying to be as accomodating as possible to help her get through finals next week.

I really want to ask her about the following week though...her original plan was to return home to try and put some effort into the M after her finals were done. Now I think my conversations from yesterday may have jeopardized that. And I don't want to pressure her any more than I already have since I know it will only push her further.

I know I need to set boundaries, because if she spends more time at school, the thought of the OM being nearby scares me. But I know that she needs to be up there to do well. I hope that she will just tell me what she's planning to do so I don't have to ask. Again, it won't change what I'm going to do at all, but I'd just like to know what her plans are.

Man, I'm really over the barrel here, but it feels like we are getting close to some sort of tipping point for this whole fiasco. She's swinging like a pendulum, and I just hope that she swings further towards me when she finally does make a decision. It's this being in limbo that kills me. She keeps saying that she hates feeling like it's all on her shoulders...I want to scream that all she has to do is decide to let me back in and all that will go away.

Man I hope I can find the patience to let her do what she needs to do to get back to us, or to walk away forever. Again, it doesn't change what I'm doing for and about myself, but being the LBS is like being stuck in purgatory.