Well, still haven't heard anything from H and either has D14 and her Confirmation is tomorrow. She is acting up so much...school calling, acting up at home, grades are down again.
H was coming home at the end of Jan. then changes his mind and starts a fight with D14 in the middle of Feb. asking why she doesn't call or text him. She finally after 2 years tells him how she feels and he gets mad at her, changes his phone number and now wants nothing to do with us. This is unbelievable.
How do you go from wanting to come home to this mess? I know for a fact his family has a lot to do with it, but come on already.
I might be wrong, but I don't think your h was going to return home. If he were going to do it, the conversation that he had with his daughter would not have stopped him. The conversation was an excuse to stay out there and not have contact w/you or his family.
It's the MLC, they talk about returning and many of them find an excuse not to. I'm sorry. Please do not put your plans on hold. He knows that it's her confirmation date and he's acting out just as she's been doing. Shame on him...he's the adult in this situation.
Take plenty of photos and if he should miss the confirmation, you will have photos to share w/him if he should inquire.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Better yet, take plenty of photos with your phone and send them to him while they are taking place. LOL. Who? Me? Vengeful??
Goodfight, as Snodderly said, it's just a shame that MLC'rs feel they are 'owed' by everyone, even their children. Obviously, your D needs you now more than ever, and since you seem to be the only adult in the picture, focus on her. Get her counseling or talk to her or just whatever as she is obviously hurting and doesn't know how to direct her anger.
I know this sounds hurtful, but I agree with Snodderly that if he had truly intended to come home, a petty argument with his D would not have stopped him. He would have seen how much pain he needed to get started making up for. ((HUGS))
Better yet, take plenty of photos with your phone and send them to him while they are taking place. LOL. Who? Me? Vengeful??
Goodfight, as Snodderly said, it's just a shame that MLC'rs feel they are 'owed' by everyone, even their children. Obviously, your D needs you now more than ever, and since you seem to be the only adult in the picture, focus on her. Get her counseling or talk to her or just whatever as she is obviously hurting and doesn't know how to direct her anger.
I know this sounds hurtful, but I agree with Snodderly that if he had truly intended to come home, a petty argument with his D would not have stopped him. He would have seen how much pain he needed to get started making up for. ((HUGS))
Hi Snodderly and Punkin. What happened was he said he wanted to come home but he wanted me to contact his family (I guess so it would be smooth. For him). So I wrote a letter so nice it would make you sick. I never did anything to them but said I was sorry if I had offended them in any way and so on. Well his sister sends me a message through Facebook and tells me to go to hell because I'm the reason he didn't speak to them for 12 years and that I will never be welcome in their lives again!
What really happened is H wanted to adopt my son and H heard his sister and mother having a fit and called a 4 year old little boy names. H got off the couch so fast and ran up the street so fast I couldn't stop him and he told his mother off. Now remember these are the same people that pushed me to marry H. What did they think I was going to do with him once we were married?
I tried to talk to H about him making up with them for years but he said no way. And I was honest and also told him my only fear if they did make up was that they would cause problems and try to break our marriage up. I know how they work and they are very bitter and mean people. H said he would never let that happen. Well H was always a needy person as far as feeling loved because his parents divorced and his mother gave him to his father when he was 2 years old cause she said she couldn't handle him. So for years he was thrown back and forth until high school and he lived with his father until he was 18 and then decided he wanted to live with his mother.
I could be very wrong because we never discussed it but 6 months before he left his father told him that his mother tried to abort him. I couldn't believe hetold him that. H's mother did tell me many years ago but I would never tell anyone something like that, it's just cruel. I think that's what pushed H into his depression even more and started his MLC. His mother's side never cared about him and I saw that from the time we were dating.
So after about 9 months after we separated and his father and step mother weren't bothering that much with him he made up with his mother's side.
It was 2 days after his sister responded to my letter that he said he changed his mind through a text message. No explaintation nothing.
H and D14 didn't have the argument until 3 weeks later so that wasn't his excuse for not coming home. I would put money on it that both sides of his family told him that if he came back they were done with him. So I think he got scared thinking that if the M didn't work he wouldn't have anyone and he can't be alone, he always wanted everyones approva.
But what really hurts is that he attended his son's senior night and so did his father and step mother but won't come to his D's Confirmation because he said he can't stand being in the same room as I'm in and he told me he loved me and everything at the end of Jan. When I brought up about him going to his son's senior night he lied and said it was just a game and I told him no it wasn't you and your ex girlfriend and er husband walked with him he went dead silent. Then he comes off with well we get along now. How does a parent pick one child over another and him and D14 were stuck like glue.
He said he decided not to come home cause there was no trust and I just said that I didn't know what happened to him before we met but someone betrayed him because he never trusted me and I never gave him a reason not to trust me. Dead silent. Then he said tell D14 not to send invitation cause he wasn't coming. I know it was far from DBusting but I hung up on him.
Punkin, I can't send pics cause he changed his phone number and we don't have it. He changed it after D14 blocked him from calling her after they had the fight. So instead of fighting for my M with an OW it's his family.
I think H thought that if I contacted them and everyone got along he wouldn't have to worry if he came home and things didn't work out cause he would still have them. But then again I coulld be wrong. He was even talking about fixing up our spare room and re doing the deck....it just doesn't make sense to me. And I guess he told his family what our D14 said to him cause his sister told her off through Facebook too. I never knew you could send messages through there if you weren't friends.
Keep in mind his 2 brothers and sister are all over 40 and they all blocked her from their Facebook. She was trying to talk to them I guess (brothers) and the poor kid said even my uncles don’t want to talk to me.
H said she's just like me and I said what do you mean and he said a trouble maker. I couldn't believe what I heard. He always said I was too nice and trusting and that's why people took advantage of me now he's saying I'm the trouble maker. Look at what his family has done.
Just hope he shows up for her today but I doubt it very highly.
G, I'm sorry about all of this, but I would be very surprised if he showed up today. I know that it hurts your d very much that he's acting the way he is, but she will need to concentrate on her confirmation today, hard as it will be.
As for his family, what a bunch of crazy folks. Harboring grudges about something that you had nothing to do with. Laying blame on you when they should be looking in the mirror at themselves. Been through that w/my sister when her h died. His family pretty much acted and said the same things to her. As I told her and I will tell you...your h is a grown man and if he chooses not to stay in touch w/his family, that is on him. You had no control over that..he was not a possession or a pet that you could give commands to.
As for your h adopting your son, that was something that should have been between you and him. His family should never have been involved or offered up free lip service on the subject.
I still believe that your h wasn't going to return. They talk about coming home for some time and some of they never do. Your h is still searching for something within himself and he's got a lot of searching to do. Each time something happens, it will be another excuse not to return. He really does have a lot of issues to deal with and it's going to take him some time to figure things out, if ever.
Please keep your focus on your d and her special day. Make it as special as you can. Your d is going to need your focus, love and support today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly, you were right. H never showed up. I kept up a good front on in front of her though very hard. She did really good. She kept looking for H but didn't say anything. I could see the hurt in her eyes. I bet he went to see his son last night though for his prom.
How can they do this to children? Please explain if you can. He really knows how to hurt me too. He knows that my heart always broke if someone hurt my children. This is hurting so much today that I've been crying all day. D14 is with her friends thank God.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
There is no explaination. No rational one. In their world, where the world revolves around them and what they want, they are blissfully unaware of the hurt and pain they cause those around them. Nice bubble if you can live in it.
Do this. If your D wants to talk to you about it, then try to be as unbiased as you can be in the conversation. If she doesn't want, respect her wishes. She is getting to the age that she is going to have to make decisions regarding her relationship with her Father and grandparents.
I'm very sorry for the hurt he has caused you and your D. It will be one more of those things he will have to wrestle with on some dark night of the soul.
