The hardwork comes at the piecing stage. I'm pretty sure I have stated that plenty of times. You keep insisting I fix the problem. I must fix myself first, get strong, fix my own issues and gather the strength. Yes fixing this marriage is the main effort, but fixing myself is the necessary shaping op. (like that military lingo?)
You are right but you are also wrong about what you stated above.
25 has pieced (still is), I have pieced (in my M)(still am in a new R)...
We both know very well the differences between pre and post reconciliation work...
And no joke, even a new R, is piecing, just with someone else...
Because you still have your own stuff and the partner has their stuff to work on...
It is hard. In some ways it is harder work than what comes after the bomb, where you are right now...
However, what you are dealing with now, is hard and you won't get to piecing if you don't do this work...
That is what she is asking you to fix right now...
While your W also has some responsibility in this, and she has some stuff to fix as well...
There are reasons, underlying things with in you, that allowed you to have insecurities, allowed YOU to accept treatment that was at best disrespectful and at worst abusive...
You have to understand the reasons for that...
Why YOU were willing to live the way that you have...
Before you can really fix it...
If you want to fix you, you really need to start digging deeper...
And that can be a very very scary prospect...
Your work, begins now, not when you get to piecing...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
