Quote: She said she just wanted someone to help her get back to feeling normal again and to help her get off her ADs.
Why in the world would she want to go off her ADs? You need to help her understand that they are a necessity, that they should be taken for at least 1-2 years, and that some people need to be on them for life. If she has problems with side effects, she should try different ADs until she gets ones that work right for her. If she wants to add some natural therapy, she can try multivitamins with extra B complex, fish oil capsules, and light therapy (with special lamps made for seasonal affective disorder - studies suggest they may work for regular depression as well).
I wouldn't push her to go to counseling - the odds of getting a "bad" counselor who will just validate all her negative feelings are just too great, I'm afraid. I think the MC H and I went through CAUSED a lot of the damage that led to his affair. Not surprising that she doesn't want to face all the things she did wrong! Might be more useful if she would go to a couples retreat of some sort with you - but I'd wait on that, even. If you haven't shared the "Five Love Languages" book with her, I'd start with that.
Quote: If Deb filed and she does not want to go forward with the D then she should just tell her A to dismiss it. ---- After all this is one thing that bothered me about C in my sitch. After the D was final I told her that she got what she wanted and she got very defensive, so I dropped that and have not brought it up anymore, BUT I still believe that the ONLY reason that C is now Divorced is that she wanted to be divorced. After all she filed the case, I let her know the options of dismissing it, or even continuing it, but she CHOOSE to go forward with it.
And that makes me wonder if my H thought i still wanted one. He said "Well I thought we were getting one" I said no I told you in June to "lets leave things as they are and I don't think I want one"
So when they say actions speak louder than words, they are right. He thought since i didn't withdraw i was still getting one.
If my Att pushes I am demanded a withdraw. Can I do that even if H wants to go through with it?
I think H is confused. And thanks for answering holdingon!
Still going to have talk with H. will listen to what he says. odga~I DON'T WANT A D! Wish you could be my Att! LOL
I hope you don't mind my jumping in on your thread right quick to address the AD sitch odga
It needs to be kept in mind that no 2 people's experience with AD's is the same. Yes, there are people who need to maintain their AD's for life but studies are beginning to show that the number of people this applies to is steadily decreasing. It is also being found that in many instances where the AD's are discontinued and the person starts to spiral again ISN"T due to the condition they are being treated for but rather to the absense of the AD itself from the body...in other words withdrawal. People who have been on AD's for an extended period go through a longer withdrawal process then say someone who has only been on them for a couple of years. Withdrawal begins during the weaning process but doesn't necessarily end when the process is completed.
It cannot be stressed enough that going off of AD's needs to be done under professional supervision and needs to be monitored on a continual basis. Mental health care should not end with the discontinuance of AD's either. It should only end when both patient AND physician know with a surety that the mental health condition no longer exists and withdrawal is no longer an issue.
I think that this should speak strongly to the issue that one's mental health is best served by a MENTAL HEALTH professional vs a GP, HMO provider or internist. Too often AD's are prescribed out of hand and with no real monitoring process in place when prescribed by a health care provider outside the mental health profession. There is no better (or worse) example of this then Pam's situation.
Her prescription isn't prescribed in an adequate way to prevent her from running out at inoportune times. From what she has described her doctor does not monitor her in any way...there appears to be no review of possible side-effects, dosage adjustments or if the med is even the appropriate one for her condition. Since her physician isn't in the mental health field then the CAUSE of her condition isn't being addressed properly either...is it due to her emotional state, a chemical imbalance, something in her environment?? All things that are taken into consideration when seeing a mental health professional vs a reg. medical provider. Pam isn't exactly FORTHCOMING about her condition either and that doesn't help
My apologies again odga, for jumping in. Just something I thought needed said with all the AD discussion going on
Former PROZAC patient, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
I TOLD the doctor the first time I went about the horrible emotions and loss of control when I made those awful calls to David and left horribly long depressed messages.
When I asked her about changing the dosage, I told her just felt what I was on wasn't really quit taking care of the problem!
See, was forthcoming!!! NaNaNaNa!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I do not have much time to post as I have an appointment at the gym w/ my trainer and If I miss the appt I have to pay anyway but here goes
I don’t know much about AD’s but from what I gather from C she was put on them solely for her situation an not because of a long term thing. Her Dr. told her it was a temporary thing. She feels that the AD’s give her an “I don’ t care” attitude and that in itself makes her depressed. Something like – well, I know some one is cutting off my leg, but it really does not hurt that much. — she knows that she should care about things but she just does not and she says that she just can not comment to any thing or any one (me)
I firmly believe that since she was put on the AD’s about 1 month before the Bomb that the “I don’t care attitude” and the advice of her Dr. (who she said she was consulting with) pushed her through the D. (I have even thought about looking into the idea of a civil suit against the Dr. for that although I have not done any research though. I do know there are attorneys that would represent me though)
And yes, she is taking fish oils and B vitamins. And she asked me the other day, “I’m not as depressed now as I use to be, am I?” I have read the 5 love languages and shared the concept of the book with her and she agrees with me that she likely is a quality time person. She does like gifts and touch too though. But when it comes to reading anything in that area, going to couple counseling or marriage counseling or any thing remotely connecting with her re-connecting with me, she backs off. However, she seems more than willing to let me do the effort to re-connect.
Zoo - consider this an invitation to jump in any time.
I believe you are right on the withdrawal from the AD’s and that is why I believe it has to be done gradually and under supervision. I believe her Dr. wants her on them so that she will continue to keep coming back for office visits and of course paying of the visits. And I believe that when C went to the Dr. and said - I am so depressed about my marriage, the Dr. simply said - I have something for that.
Well, I really need to go for now - will check back later tonight.
Just wanted to jump in with the 'going on with the divorce' thing: lawyers can be very intimidating to lay people. When I filed for divorce I felt somehow pressure to go ahead with it regardless. After the initial shock I did not really want it, but I felt I was impotent to stop it. It was going to happen...
I got lucky and my lawyer read between the lines in an e-mail and did not actually file the TRO. I'd be divorced if she had not held back. But that weekend I really felt pressured to go through...
And I am not exactly a shrinking violet...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
I feel like from the few times David has discussed talking with his A she has intimidated and told him what he should be doing, rather then him saying this is what I want to do.
And David pretty much always does what he is told.
Especially by domineering women, he was raised to do so.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
