lets go back to Tuesday morning 1/6/04 - was suppose to go work out with C and meet her at gym at 6. She generally wanted me to call her when I got up to make sure she was up and on her way - well Tuesday I had to be in court early and I would not have time for a full workout, eat Breakfast w/ C and then get to court so we just ended up talking on phone for about an hour. it was generally a good convo, cept that I did tell her about a Counselor I had found. (remember several post back she told me she wanted to start going to a counselor and while she did not want to do marriage or couple counseling she had no problem in going to the same one I went to.)
Well I told her the Counselor I found was both a marriage counselor and an individual counselor and that he was a Christian counselor. Well she told me that she did not wan to see a marriage counselor. I told her he also did individual sessions and would work on "just you" she then told me that she also did not want to go to a Christian counselor as that they just make you feel guilty. After all we were not married and we were having sex. I told her that sometimes it was good to have someone make you feel guilty after all if a man robbed a bank and went to a counselor that told him that was ok since he was poor and needed the money anyway. She said she just wanted someone to help her get back to feeling normal again and to help her get off her ADs.
Well, after a little more convo on that and finding out that she has not even started looking for one herself, I told her that I would let her find one and if he was good, I would start seeing him if that was ok with her. She said it would not be a problem. I got the feeling, though, that she was not going to break any speed records in finding one herself.
While this part of the Convo was in the middle of our hour phone call, it did not stop us from having a good plesant conversation for the rest of our hour. What she said about the counselor she wanted made me feel that she just wanted a counselor to validate her actions in filing for the D. (maybe that is just ASSuming on my part) but for most of the day I really felt like Rhett Buttler telling Scarlett "Frankly my Dear, I don't Give a ....."
Did not say anything to C though and did get a phone Consultation w/ DB coach Laurie. She always seems to boost my PMA - but she did suggest a little more mystery though. Found a good thread on this too- click here for link -
After the phone consultation I chatted W/ Opt on yahoo for a few and she linked me to a great thread by Treesa2 and TonyP's Response and I believe everyone knows where Tony is now.
So now my PMA is back up some but the problem is that each time I go through my Rhett feelings I sense that I may be putting my my own WAS wall between us. Even though there are a lot of positives it is still very hard to keep getting knocked down by her 2X4s and to keep comming back.
But then if she does feel that her actions are validated and she does not want to come back then - hey world - watch out.
