25 yrs Indeed part of the NMMNG program is being honest with yourself and her and telling her what you really want. Not do a bunch of nice things in the hopes that she gets what you want, and when she doesn't you turn into a monster. I understand that. On the other hand I know my W well enough to know that after years of hiding my feelings I just can't open the flood gates. It would just be too much, as NMMNG says she herself is not used to me being more assertive. Despite her really wanting for me to man up. (she mentioned all the NGS qualities and emphasized she didn't like them. )
Trust me I hate all this. I want it to be over, but I realize it will take time. Time for me to be strong, and time for her to be willing to accept the sacrifices involved. She may be living with me but I recognize she can walk at any moment. She still has doubts about all this. WAW's cannot be reasoned with. Every time you try to reason with them all they hear is "he doesn't get me, this is why I need to leave.". The hardwork comes at the piecing stage. I'm pretty sure I have stated that plenty of times. You keep insisting I fix the problem. I must fix myself first, get strong, fix my own issues and gather the strength. Yes fixing this marriage is the main effort, but fixing myself is the necessary shaping op. (like that military lingo?)