My STBXH was here the other night to visit with the Girls. They went out for a little bit and when they returned he came in. He gave me the tax return info I requested. He is still claiming that since he pays for 90% of the bills that he should get back 90% of the return and I only get 10%. I will have to check with my lawyer on Monday about this.
We sat down and talked for a little. The girl in his Vegas pictures is a co-worker. He said she is not his girlfriend but they are dating. What's the difference? He told me he is dating several women right now... He said since the day he had me served he can date whoever he wants. True ! I may not like it but it is true.
Again he told me he still loves me. This is the 3rd time in the last couple of months he has said this to me.
Why does he say this to me ? Is it to keep me in my place, does he think if I hear that I will continue to play nice like he wants. Or does he keep saying to keep me on the backburner. In case all this doesn't work out I will still be here waiting for him ? I don't know, I just find it odd he wants a divorce yet he still tells me he loves me.
I also asked him if he was happy now .... Nope. he still is not happy. He said he has lots of regrets, but than he will not /can not go back.
I am so confused. I thought I was doing pretty good up until the past week. Now I have a sick feeling in my stomach all the time. My nerves are shot. I am seriously considering calling a therapist next week. Just to have someone to talk to will be nice
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
My STBXH is coming up this way this easter weekend. He moved an hour away. I am 5 minutes from his parents. My in laws have a full house this week end and if my ex wants to stay there he will be sleeping on an air mattress in the basement. He will have our daughters during the day then bring them home for sleep. Should I offer him the couch here to sleep ?
I am invited for Easter and will be going over on Sunday with my daughters. Not sure if I should reach out and offer the couch or not. Not sure if he would Accept the offer anyways. Thank you !
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
ah, a very confused man indeed (your sitch is a bit similar to mine, ex left, was dating, but unhappy, got an L and started to file but never finished, I bought time... eventually after 8 mths he came back, still never happy though, so things went south and we D) Sounds like he might have a MLC, lost, trying to find that something that will fill him up, thinking it is too late (ex kept saying that, but I always told him it wasn't, though I had no idea he had a ow). Hence the ILY, it's a mess he keeps dragging you down with him... did you ever offer to go to MC with him?... and seriously, you do need to see a T, I remember how awful I felt, being in limbo, feeling unwanted, ugly and old and all sorts of crazy.. DO see someone, this isn't easy.
I wouldn't offer the couch if I were you, he made his bed let him lay on it.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I am many years down the road with this mess. Ex still cycles and spirals and for the most part, I no longer do so with him. Do yourself a favor and don't allow him to pull you in with the ILYs. Actions speak louder than words. My ex still tells me," ILY, I will always love you." But, I have now figured out that this happens, mostly before he needs something. Part of the lesson in this for all of us is to let them lie in the proverbial bed that they have created for themselves.
I would not offer the couch. He will be just find on the aerobed in the basement.
Enjoy your holiday and don't get caught up with his drama and by all means LOOK FABULOUS when you go to your inlaws ... !
Thankfully I came to my senses and did not offer the couch to him. It was a rough weekend as it was. I hope the firsts are the hardest and next Easter won't hurt so bad.
I think I have FINALLY hit my anger phase. Guess I have been in Survivor mood the past 9 months. I am hoping this anger phase passes quickly, I do not like the way it feels at all.
What is next ?
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
It's a long road with many twists and turns. Some days will be smooth sailing and others like you are hitting moguls and potholes. The most important things are for you to take care of yourself, be patient with yourself and think of yourself and your kids FIRST.
Unfortunately we don't control the time in which it takes the other person to come through their crisis to the extent that it goes faster. So it is important to work on yourself by getting a life.
Go out and do something for you, even if it's just taking a walk. Folks here have great advice so check in often.
The "phases" come and go Shelby. You won't go through one and then it's gone, it will come back. But, they won't come back as strong each time. I've been separated for 3.5 years and sometimes still feel the loss of what I once had for 17 years. How can we not? Holidays can be extremely tough initially. You got through it, and you'll get through the next one and soon you'll build new traditions and they'll feel good! Will you miss the family you once were? At times you sure will but hang in there, it does get better!
I have not been on or wrote in a while. Today my husband. Wait why do I still call that ? We are not legally divorced yet, but he has been gone for a year has been living with his girlfriend and they recently bought a home together and they are moving In to it THIS weekend.
We he left he left mostly everything of his here. He just took some clothes. Today he is coming with a truck to get his dresser, some old furniture and some other things of his. Today will be a hard day for me. Today it seems final. Like this is it. He really is moving on.
Yesterday I started moving some of the stuff outside. It gave me a feeling of having some power back. I guess because it's me saying here take it. Instead of me keeping it in boxes in our/my bedroom.
As much as I want to see this as another new start today. I know today will be hard. Because it just seems so final.
He keeps his new life such a secret. He just told me last week that the girlfriend has a daughter, college aged. She has her own room at his new place. And they will have a guest room where our daughters can stay if/when they want to come. Up until this point for the last year. If he wants the girls for the weekend,( which is usually only one night. ) he would always take them to his parents house. My daughters haven't met the girlfriend yet but I guess this is something else I am going to have to accept real soon and deal with.
Ughh !!! I just want this roller coaster ride to be over already. Thanks for listening to me vent. Hope this day goes smooth.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
It is how you choose to view it. Like you said, you can take control and say here, I don't want your things in my house or say come see how miserable I am, how scared how much I miss you. I must say when you are in the midst of this hell you don't see how much the latter attitude hurts your cause. It hurts you by keeping you stuck and by keeping you in this unattractive helpless mentality.
If you can get all of his junk out on the yard. When he gets there ask if that is everything and when it is lock up the house and head out for some you time. Go meet a friend for iced tea or head off to a movie. Hang in there. It does get easier, I promise.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
