Cat
Reread your post. Really good points I do agree now that other posters were merely pointing out what I have allowed I got upset because it made me feel weak. After reading NMMNG I now understand that I was weak, but hated it having being pointed out to me. As young at heart and the book have pointed out I really need to man up, and take care of myself. This past week was supposed to be the trial period. I am seriously trying to live this whole cult of man thing. Last night proved to me that I am not strong enough yet, and I still don't have her respect enough to get what I want from her. Need to keep working on giving it to myself first. Here are some of the things I have been trying to do:

1. Started working out for a competitive goal: I did triathlon in college need to do that again. Hit the pool today for the first time in over a year. It felt great.

2.hanging out with the guys: whereas I did none before much more involved now.

3. Cultivating different pursuits: different books, movies, games, etc etc than her.

4. Moratorium: on ml suggested by NMMNG. Supposed to make things better once I start seeking validation through ml, removes the pressure from day to day life.

Really looking forward to reading fight club, it never got my attention before, but a male friend that knows of how I have repressed my manhood when it comes to my W recommended it. I am really looking forward to it. I know in practice I havent been strong I really hope it's the initial jitters. NMMNG pointed out that at first it will be hard to hold on to these changes and that I may regress when challenged. I really will need support in the next couple of weeks.