I know you feel like people were bashing your W, but really, based on what you wrote, they were simply pointing out the ways that YOU were allowing her to treat you, things that YOU were allowing to happen, etc... I didn't see it as bashing at all...
Sometimes we can't see the forest through the trees and it helps to have others point it out...
There were a few alarm bells for me as well, concerning both of you, but I will reserve those for now...
I see you trying to make changes however they don't seem to be things that you are really embracing and changing for yourself...
I see you doing things so as not to upset the apple cart...
That only works for so long...
She doesn't like your hair short (you are in the military right?), and you worry that she is upset about it...
How do YOU like your hair?
My BF, likes my hair long. So do I. So I keep it that way. If I didn't, I would cut it (which is always a possiblity). My hair, my choice.
You sir, are walking on egg shells in regards to your M.
I am willing to bet that your week was good because of the time apart. You could do for YOU without worrying that it was going to upset her...
However, you also had the jealousy creep in...
I am going to suggest that you read Co-Dependent No More...
It is a fantastic book...
You will learn a lot....
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
