today our mortgage was due and wonder since we havent spoken what I should do about it. Last time he gave me 1/2 and I paid the other 1/2. Got home yesterday and checked the mail. I had a letter from him. I was nervous and excited, shaking bad. Not knowing what was in the envelope. Got inside and opened it up and there was a Dr's bill from services that were for me that he got in the mail at his new address and a check for 1/2 the mortgage. Was happy but a little sad that there was no note or anything, guess I was expected more from him. I thought I will send him a nice txt letting him know that I recieved his check. Here is how the conversation went thru txt messages, please note I broke alot of rules..but sometime your anger gets the best of you. m-got the check for 1/2 the mortgage today and the dr's bill. Thank you. h-k, was wondering if got it. would it be fine if i get the grill soon? m-when ur ready to sit and talk to me then we can discuss it. h-talk about what? m-um everything..why u left me with no explanation. why it was ur 1st reaction to pack and leave..my feelings were just hurt. wld have gotten over it. h-its self explanatory. i tried and u pushed away. nothing left to talk about. nothing left of us. m-i didnt push away, u pushed me away and since i wasnt over it in 5 seconds after you applogized u leave?? what a man, is all i have to say. 1st sign of trouble & you bolt. h-same reasons as before. you not happy and I not happy. Cant live with grudges and bickering, nothin in common. Same story over and over. your entitled to ur opinions. I can respect that. I am not pointing fingers at all. We both have issues as you told me. You weren't happy and I was starting to force myself to act happy. m- Really? Yeah, u tried so hard..a whole 4 days and leaves over a band-aid. h-You are always right. I am not going to argue. m- Sorry to be the one to point this out, but it takes longer than 4 days to figure out if your happy. Unless you came in with that mindset to begin with. h- You are right. You did say you were not happy and were going crazy. m-At that moment cause we were arguing over a freakin band-aid and u talking about leaving again...that would make anyone crazy. h-I'm not arguing. You are right. I dont have anything else to say to you. Im sorry we turned out so different. m-come get the grill and make it your last trip..do it the cowardly way, when im not home cause thats what you do best. h-ok m-just fyi, our contractor is watching our house while im at work, hes not to happy with you, since he left right after building and moving into new home. Oh and see ya at your bodybuilding show next weekend! h-what you mean he is watching the house and not happy?
At this point i didnt respond back to his txt. I jumped into the shower and got out and in 20 min time i had 16 missed phone calls from his sister and mom. Then when i wouldnt answer them, his sister started to txt me. I think i really got in his head with telling him I would see him at his bodybuilding show. That just proves to me that it is the most important thing!! its not me! He sister txt'd me that she would just come to my work and chat since i wouldnt answer her phone calls or txt. How trashy is that coming to my work??? Her next txt was, why are you so afraid to talk to me? Really her brother is 34 yrs old and a grown man..he should be able to handle his own business with out sister and mommy talking for him. They dont want me to mess up his show, he has worked so hard since Jan 1 preping for this show. Wish he would have spent as much time working on our marriage as he did his bodybuilding. Sorry for the long post, but had to get out my evening. It was a long night!
W 37 H 34 No Children Married 04/23/2010 Together Since 11/2009 Seperated 03/10/2011 Not Yet Filed/Kind of expecting them anyday.
Are you seriously going to show up to his competition?
I really do not think that is a good idea. At all.
As far as his family goes, do not get into a squabble with them. This is between you and your H. He can involve them all he wants, it doesn't mean you have to.
Hey, at least he sent you $$ for his half of the mortgage. A lot of WAS do not bother.
Why is your contractor upset with him? Why did you involve him in your personal business?
Next time you are tempted to txt your H, ask yourself this "Is what I'm going to bring my H closer to me?"
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Cat04- I understand that I didnt do the right thing. But I just got very upset that this was the 1st contact that we had and I was feeling good and wanted to be nice and then he just automaticly jumps to coming get his grill. I do love my husband and want US to work, but I do have to control my emotions and feelings of rejection and hurt better. My anger is from him leaving both time without telling me and while I'm at work or just away. I have felt as if thru our whole relationship I have walked on eggshells around him and could never really say what I felt because he would get his feelings hurt or be upset and I just thought that I couldnt keep that in any more. Not the right choice with our 1st conversation, I understand that. But I'm just so darn mad that he left the way he did and acts like it doesnt bother him one bit when hurt me badly.
W 37 H 34 No Children Married 04/23/2010 Together Since 11/2009 Seperated 03/10/2011 Not Yet Filed/Kind of expecting them anyday.
DelinquentGurl - I dont want to get into it with his family. I understand thats their son/brother but you know this is between us and it has really upset me that he has gotten them involved like they are. I have not responded to any of his families messages or phone calls. Honestly no I dont plan on going to his competition. It was something that we had both been looking forward to because I had wanted to see what it was all about and see him be in his element. With the contractor, he is still building houses around our home and he is also a friend. Being that we had just had our house completed and moved into only in Nov, I felt like I should tell him what was going on because I always see him and he ask, where my H has been. I was also so embarressed about my sitch that I wanted to let him know in case I have to put my house up for sale because I wont be able to afford it on my own. I figured I should let him know before he seen the 4 sale sign up in the yard. You know its always after the fact that people tell you what they think of others. I will keep your comment in mind the next time there is a conversation with my H. I do love him and want him back, just hurting and guess wanted him to hurt a little like I have been doing.
W 37 H 34 No Children Married 04/23/2010 Together Since 11/2009 Seperated 03/10/2011 Not Yet Filed/Kind of expecting them anyday.
StaciG, Just caught up on your thread and I'm a little confused so I'll ask some questions. You have only been married a year, when did things start to get bad for you, and when did they get bad for him? Is it possible there is another woman? I have found that the WAS looks for any trivial excuse to start an argument and uses the argument as the excuse to walk out.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
bboom- things started going bad Jan when he started preparing for his bodybuilding show. It just got worse with arguing and having to watch what I said around him and to him. You couldnt joke with him he was serious 24/7. Things got real bad and he left the 1st time March 10. Was just gone a few weeks then wanted to work on us and telling me how much he loved me. That lasted 4 days and he was gone again over a little spat about a band-aid. I have wondered about OW but have no evident of it. Because he was so quick just to jump to divorce and not try to actually work on US! He is more focused on himself and his bodybuilding than anything else in his life and being a momma's boy has not helped our sitch any. Always has been involved in everything we do. Think he tells him mother & sister to much of our business. 1st thing that my counselor told me was dont talk to your family about marital problems, he didnt do this. What you have said makes total sense about finding any little excuse to walk out, I believe this is exactly what he did but to him he tried...REALLY?
W 37 H 34 No Children Married 04/23/2010 Together Since 11/2009 Seperated 03/10/2011 Not Yet Filed/Kind of expecting them anyday.
You are getting really great advice here on your thread. I understand your anger and hurt. Your focus on it is working against you right now.
Focus on solutions. And those solutions are in YOUR behavior, not his. A change in your behavior will eventually create a change in his. DG and cat04 are pretty well equipped to help you with that.
