Another New Day 3

[islander]

W just came to our house and picked up both the girls for a couple of hours bf she goes to work. We spoke about the girls for a few minutes and she left. O acted as if as much as I could.

Bf W left she received a phonecall but did not answer it. I kept thinking it was OM calling, but I would think that if her phone rang 100 times. I need to vet over it, but this whole thing just hurts so much.

We went out to dinner last night with my parents, the in laws and the kids. SD said several times the only person we were missing was mom.

Anyway, going to go for a short run and relax bf I go to work tonight.

Feeling bad today

[islander]

I don't know what is going on with me. I have to believe it is normal. Last weekend I felt really good, kept busy, and started a few projects.

The last two days, I have felt really sad. I haven't done anything different. I thought I was starting to detach pretty well, now I would not say that. Maybe this is just the valleys that I read so much about.

I felt bad today, so I ran twice today. It helped a little.

It felt great having both of the girls together in the house these two days though. I may just be sad bc I know it won't last. I had a great time with them, and they were both soooo happy together. Just like old times.

I think I just got caught up wishing things were different. Well, it will be a long weekend at work, then painting some of the house on Monday.

[~¤DG¤~]

Islander---

I totally know how your feeling. Some days I feel great and think "Hey this isn't so bad" and then the next day I am really, really sad.
From all the reading I do on here, I know what we're feeling is normal.
If your anything like me, you just want to hurry up and get through the hard part. Even though the hard stuff will more than likely make us grow the most.

You've been doing great with your GAL & 180's, so be proud of yourself for that.

[ninelives]

Keep it up Islander. Good days bad days. Again,I commend your dedication to your M just dont let it eat you up okay?

I want to see you succeed as bad as i want us to succeed.

That is one of the reasons I stay on here.

I sometimes wish I could get your wife's phone number and talk to her and say:

Do you know what kind of committment you have from your husband and that you will never get that again from anybody. That you will someday wake up and realize you had something that people long for all their lives but you are throwing it away but will regret it some day.

But then again Isalnder, why would she listen to me. A crazy Canuk from another Isalnd.


You are allowed sad days Islander, just dont let them consume you.

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[islander]

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Some days I literally feel like I have been eaten up, others just chewed and spit out. And then j have some really good days.

As far as you calling my W. I know she already knows what you would tell her, and I actually think she knows it to be true. That is the sickening part. The part that makes this sooooo difficult.

My mind has been wandering a lot the last two days. I am looking for the stop sign, bc I get pretty graphic thoughts, especially lately. Maybe, somehow, I. Eed to stop thinking the worst all of the time.

Good Days/Bad Days, just a roll of the dice

[ninelives]

A roll of the dice to some extent but honestl, when it is going bad, more effort is required to make it ( if not good) at least better.

I have mentioned this before in previous posts.

There isnt much we can do to speed up time and make this better for us but there is an infinite amount of things we can do to make it worse.

Being GLOOMY and staying that way is definitely one of them.

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[islander]

I know you are right about being able to make things worse, even just the way that I think, let alone the actions that we take.

Sometimes, it feels good to feel bad, or it is ok bc that is the appropriate response. But I know not to get sucked into that everyday. I don't know if that even makes sense.

This is like a living death in the family that you constantly have to relive. That is probably the beat way to describe it right now.

But I need to remember that somebody made a choice to live this life. Actually, I guess we both chose it.

I am rambling and should go to sleep for a few hours bf I go back to work.

[islander]

So I am thinking today that my W probably treats any of her co workers better than she treats me right now. That is probably true for most if not all of our WASs. And it really pi$$es me off when I think about it that way. Then when we do talk, half of what she says is probably BS.

So I ask myself, why am I not going dark. I tried to only respond to her in a friendly manner when she contacted me, but yet again I let myself get sucked in and now find myself contacting her more than I was bf. I seem to have put myself in a position that I am not comfortable with. I believe she probably is starting to feel that she will be able to have me as a freind one dayif she goes through without the D, and that will NEVER happen.

I guess I am analyzing again, both of our actions.

[NEmoose43]

Hey Islander...took me a while to catch up on your story, but I realized today that you and I are close in age and so are our W's. It's so odd how so many people's sitches are so similar.

I feel like I am constantly analyzing too, and I know I need to stop that as soon as possible because my W is perceptive enough to realize that I'm doing it.

Had a DB coaching session this morning, and I thought something we talked about might be appropriate here. The hard part for me has been walking the line between maintaining a positive connection and pursuing. My coach says that as long as I can stay upbeat and keep things lighthearted while avoiding R talk as much as possible (which is my big downfall), it's perfectly fine to act as I normally would as far as communication.

But like you, man is that hard as he!! when I'm missing her or in a down mood. It's getting easier, sure, but some days I feel like punching anything and everything within reach. My coach said detaching and going dark are very different things. I've seen in several posts the phrase "Detach from the R, not the person." Don't know if it helps, but that's where I am.

And since you're a little further along than I am, any insight on my thread would be greatly appreciated.

Stay strong man.

[ninelives]

Islander, Im warming up a 2x4. Its the same vicious cycle that you and I both go on and it gets us NOWHERE because we are a slave to our emotions.

Have to step back Islander and not let yourself get sucked in again to that cycle. It serves no purpose other than to keep you spinning your wheels and hurting.

Why are you thinking about how she treats you compared to others?
This is an exercise in futility and will just hurt you.

Look Islander, God knows I am the King of emotional mistakes but you know that you are only hurting yourself.

STOP THE rollercoaster.

YOU ARE GOING TO DETACH SOMEDAY.

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