Log entry
Ok so I think I last left off on Saturday. That day went fairly well, I got her to semi admit she wanted to spend time with me. We did and it was fun. The next morning we woke up early got some coffee and drove 1.5 hours to the airport. Before getting in the car I got the wrong set of keys and she got a little moody. Although knowing her the stress of the trip was already making her cranky. I got in the car and noticed that after two months of not wearing it, she was wearing her wedding ring. I tried not to say anything, then she said " I saw your goofy grin when you saw my left hand, I'm only wearing it so there is no confusion at the airport.". I said to my self "sure whatever you say". I was in a good mood and the 1.5 hour trip went well. We played and joked around the whole way. Once we got there I asked if she wanted to be dropped off or wanted me to accompany her to the security point. She said whatever you want, which I took as female speak for "accompany me". Helped her with her stuff, and then she told me "well you have me for 15 more minutes!" Not sure what she meant so I semi excitedly said "good!"

We walked to the gate, and I noticed a couple passionately hugging and kissing good bye. All I could think was how awkward saying good bye would be. She asked me to hold her bag while she grabbed her ticket, and noticed she got very close to me. I resisted and she got closer, until she finally leaned in and gave me a hug. I hugged her back (this was the second hug she initiated in 24 hrs). I was happy. After the hug I said good bye turned around and walked back to the car, without even looking back. It wasn't until a few days later that I realized that I would usually stay put and watch her go through the gates, and wave good bye if she turned around. It surprises me that I didn't without thinking and wonder if she noticed. As for the rest of the days they went by VERY fast got to GAL a lot! Unfortunately I had a few jealousy attacks, but I kept them in check, went semi dark in that I made her start all communication. She didn't text and call as often as I would have liked but enough from keeping the worst jealousy away. Only light jealousy lol. I actually didn't miss her. If she didnt answer much I just chalked her up to her being busy. There was only one instance when she didn't text me till 4 in the afternoon I knew that she was traveling from Philly to dc on greyhound, and was concerned. When she finally did I was out with some buddies helping a friend move. Part of NMMNG. Once she did text she really wanted to talk, I was tempted to leave my friend hanging nice guy syndrome again(ngs). I held strong though, and told her I was busy helping my friend move, and couldn't talk. I could tell by her response that she found this very out of character for me. Good! I was proud for not making her my center. Other than that it was good.

As you guys can probably tell from my previous post I was nervous picking her up. I had thoroughly convinced myself I wanted her to go. In fact I still feel like it was good for our M. Regardless the ugly part of ngs came out. I was very passive aggressive. As she came down the stairs at the airport I was anxious to see her. She had a frown on her face, (was wearing her ring) so I decide not to give her a hug or reach out. Her first thing to say was "you got a haircut" (she doesn't like me with short hair). We talked about some things mostly about the concerts, I was trying to stay strong. I was probably being passive aggressive. She then said something along the lines of I want to go back. I said fine go ahead. She said I will! I said good! Then she got upset. I was just trying not to give in but she got upset. In true ngs fashion I tried to make things better and eventually things calmed down. Unfortunately for the next two hours I was pretty passive aggressive sigh. I realize now that although I still think the trip was good for the M. I made some stealth contracts and was trying to cash in. Ngs tendencies die hard I guess. It got so bad she even said "good thing we are getting a d" all I said was ouch and got quiet. She realized what I said and started explaining how my behavior was really asenine. After reading NMMNG I have to agree. I told her it was only because I was jealous of her trip, which I was. I also realized that I needed to be excited with her, otherwise she would get her support from her friends and not me. I started listening to her and truly getting excited, not jealous this really smoothed things over. Once we got home she was very tired she got airplane cold I think. I didn't do my usual routine of smothering her by trying to take care of her. Instead waited till she asked for my help. She did and was very appreciative. So this is what it is like to have someone appreciate you, without you forcing them. It was nice. I hope I can make a full recovery from NGS.