New - HELP! Tried the 180/Last Resort & Failed

[AloneAt35]

This is my first post on the DB forum, I just finished the book. Six weeks ago, my loving partner of 19 ½ years told me he didn’t love me “enough” anymore and he wanted to take the chance that he would be happier without me than with me. There was no drama or fighting leading up to this revelation – it was a complete and utter shock. He said we would take the separation slowly and always remain best friends. Blah, Blah, Blah.

Then, three weeks ago, the other shoe fell. Just as I was adjusting to the news that he had fallen out of love with me (while still questioning the seriousness of his intention to call it quits), I woke up to find him crying one morning. He admitted that a few days after ending our relationship, he “freaked out about the prospect of life alone” and met a woman on an online dating site. Within a matter of a couple of weeks (he claims) they fell in love. He went on and on about their “phenomenal” conversations and how, although he was wracked with guilt, he couldn’t let the opportunity of finding true love pass him by. Would I give him permission to pursue the relationship although he was still living in our home and even sleeping in our bed?!!!

I don’t know how or why, but a calm came over me. I said, “go for it, but no speaking to her in front of me, no sleeping in my bed, and no having her in our home EVER.” What other choice did I have? For three and half weeks since that date, I have been suicidal – literally suicidal. He has purchased a new home and plans to move out in a month, he has also been staying many nights in a tiny rental apartment we own, so I rarely see him. Today I got the Divorce Busters book and read it cover to cover. I realize that the only chance I have to regain my dignity (and possibly my relationship with the man I cherish) is to do the 180/Last Resort technique.

Today also happened to be one of the few days I’ve seen him recently. I had to pick him up at work because we are still sharing a car and I had an appointment I couldn’t miss. He noticed that something was different with me. I told him that I planned to move on as quickly as possible, that he no longer needed to come home out of “guilt” and worry for me every few days so as soon as we got home, he could leave and go back to his apartment for the night. He said, “Does this mean you don’t love me anymore??” I said, “I loved the man I knew, not the man you are now. Having you in my life like this isn’t working for me.” His mood became more attentive to me, he was joking and light-hearted on the drive home. I thought, “Perhaps this is working!” He even asked if I was angry when I crossed my arms in the car.

I was wrong to be hopeful – the 180 had the completely opposite result of what I first thought. As we arrived home, his new girlfriend called his cell phone and he had the GULL to take the call in front of me for the first time. I heard him reassuring her that it was “okay,” and that I was “fine” with them being together. I just calmly made my dinner. He told his new girlfriend that he loved her and would talk to her later, and then he walked out my door. I was shaking and couldn’t even look at him or say anything.

My first opportunity of using the 180/Last Resort failed miserably. Now I don’t even have the sanctity of my home or the peace of mind that he recognizes that he is behaving in a despicable, sub-human manner. The 180 gave him permission to TALK IN FRONT OF ME, in our home! It was exactly the opposite result that I thought I had achieved.

Please someone, anyone, comfort me and explain what alien has entered the body of the man I love and convinced him to behave so monstrously!!!