Where Does it stop!!

[DumpedforMIL]

We have never gotten to the "core" issues. We both hold a "grudge" so to speak. I think she is "crazy" she thinks I am "hard headed"

address the core issues.
why are you trying to save your marriage and holding a grudge at the same time. to me, the grudge sabotages your efforts to save your marriage. so i question what your true motive is here.

i also sense a lot of mind-reading.

If I look at it from my point of view I think she places too much value on "I am not doing enough for the kids".

mind-reading

It is almost like her overwhelming desire to make me a better father is driving me away. I mean I kinda need a little bit of direction. I mean if I am doing well should there not be some indication that I am doing well? I don't beat them. I have never discouraged them from doing anything. I have "given" them things I did not think they deserved.

being a good father is a personal choice with no expectations. i'm a good friend because i choose to be. i don't expect my friends to thank me 10 times a day or bring me gifts when i help them out or give them advice they may not want to hear. i want what's best for others .. i'm happy with my choices whether or not i get thanked.

when you set expectations like that .. passive-aggressive.

I bring the expectation that when "that" happens people should see the value in it.

really? people *should* see it? and if they don't? you can't control what others "see" or don't "see".

My W then told me that me not responding made her (W) sad. Things start to go a little sideways here. I get that my W may be sad about my "no response" but she is completely disregarding that "we" have said "texting is not acceptable".

that's tit-for-tat. what about validating her feeling sad?

My W telling me that she was sad.. most likely elevated my tone somewhat. I again indicated that I would make it more clear to D that this was not the way to ask permission. Then I got that "people must bow down and kiss your feet". Lets just say there were lot's of FU's from me after that.

since you like setting expectations, what were you expecting to accomplish by dropping f-bombs?
what does the "people must bow down and kiss your feet" comment supposed to accomplish? both of you need a time out.

All she wants to be is happy. I will assure you that I have not seen happy in her eyes in a long time.

then let her go. you're wasting each other's time by staying in this miserable marriage. you'll be happier and so will she. it's win-win.

I read the other stuff you wrote. I am discounting it somewhat. I know in my heart that she can "see" the value I bring.

i will discount that because it's mind-reading.
above, you say she keeps pointing out the areas that you fail in. that she puts too much value on you not doing enough for the kids.

what "value" does she see? cuz to me, she doesn't see the value you bring and you know it. you are fooling yourself to think that she does 'see' it.

honestly, i don't know what you are trying to get at.

She very likely would never find someone like me. I can't say that I would have any better luck than her in that same search.

well, there is only one of you and one of her.

We had a talk tonight about I am done and do not want this anymore. She needs to decide whether we need to get the L involved or can we do this smartly.

waiting for her to decide? if you were truly done, you'd go to the lawyer yourself. (ahh, i get it - you're trying to make me say .. your actions don't match your words .. that's why people should believe 50% of what the person does and ignore 100% of what the person says.)

smartly? if you think she's crazy, how do you expect her to do this 'smartly'?

Someone once said to me.. people saying they are gonna go.. are not gonna go. They just want people to tell them to stay.

I am still not sure I totally agree with that.

not even sure why you threw that in because you clearly stated that if she said she would fulfill all your needs, you'd pass. so even if she wanted you to beg her to stay, you wouldn't anyway. so what was the point of that statement?