Beatrice, it is so comforting (in a twisted kind of way) to hear so many of us going through the same thing. My husband of almost 15 years served me dissolution papers this week. His anger toward me has been out of control and has been for months. He had the affair, he stopped tryng, he has been mean, all the while I have been an "angel wife" so to speak. Some of the things he has told me.
1. Married 15 years, always knew you weren't the one. 2. Not compatible, never have been 3. I have had an awakening and am not wasting my life anymore. 4. The entire 15 years has been a waste of his time. 5. I bring out the worst in him 6. He hates my personality 7. He says I make his "skin crawl" 8. Blames me for everything and takes responsibility for nothing. 9. Done the standard re-written history and cannot remember any good times 10. Acts as if he will be relieved to get away from me. 11. Says his life has no meaning as long as he is with me. 12. Admits to being close to commiting suicide over some of our marital situations (of course all my fault). 13. Says he is going to take care of #1 from now on.
He has unresolved childhood issues, anger issues, depression issues, etc. Of course none of these are recognized by him. I have actually said to him many times "It seems like you resent my existence"
I have had so much guilt over the man that I love wanting to run like H*ll the other direction while I am left behind loving him with all my heart and all the while him knowing in his heart I am worthless and unloveable.
I love the phrase someone said on here, maybe even you, that they don't hate you ,but they hate the image that they painted of you in their head. That hits so close to home.
Beatrice, know that we are all here crawling through the same muck. We have to find our worth through each other.
