How much longer in Separated?

[River]

Thinking of you Jon, River

[Drew]

Jon,

My advice ....

For what it's worth ....

I think it's time to drop the rope.

[MichelleLT]

Glad you didn't let the pullback hit you too hard. Funny how at the time it's obvious she still has a soft spot in her heart, but her head tells her it's not a good idea. Sounds like you've gotta work the psychology aspect of it lol.

Love the gym plans.

Definitely time to focus on you and your stuff. Loved how positive you were on the phone and the active listening you employed. But I think you need to give her some space to come to you.

[jon2911]

Thanks everyone.

The gym plans are going well, it's amazing what a goal can do. Had a fantastic Easter. A good friend of mine shared in church about his first daughter being born in September, when they discovered his wife's cancer. They had 2 months together as a family, things turned worse in December and the funeral was Christmas Eve. I remember getting his texts at the time, and thinking it's hard to feel sorry for myself now. I got to process and pray through a lot of this during the service, just how scared I am about what she'll choose, a big expensive lawyer battle, etc.

I realized how stuck I've been, not wanting to make big decisions about my house, my vehicles. It's time to be decisive. I talked with a guy at church who wanted help with a song he wrote, but happens to run the BMW dealership and has all kinds of connections in financing. W messed up my credit by letting some cards go that had my name on them. I cleaned up my side over the last year but can't do anything about hers. I didn't want to borrow money for a car or bike, but I need to right now.

I didn't contact W at all for the last 3 days. That was hard, but I wanted to give her space and let her make the next contact. Even if it meant not wishing her Happy Easter. My friend told me she was obviously comforted by our talk, but that she's trying to convince herself that she hates me and needs to D me. Heart vs. head that you mentioned Michelle.

After playing two morning services at one church, which will pay very well, I hit brunch with some friends at W and I's favorite place on the lake. They have bottomless mimosas, yum. Just a gorgeous day. We went to Bass Pro shop and got some fishing gear, I took them to evening service at my main church to hear my friend tell his story, and then we capped off the evening fishing at the lake while a storm blew in. It was perfect. This is a couple W and I were very close to.

W called around 10:30 and left me a VM. Which hasn't happened in months. Funny how much you can tell from the little things.

"Hey Jon it's me, was just calling to say Happy Easter. I hope you're doing OK. I'll take to you later, I'm about to go to sleep, good night."

I called her back, told her about my day, which she would have loved, and heard about hers. She reminded me that champagne is my weakness, that I got smashed at a company Christmas party once. I laughed and said I told our friends about that. I was driving through a big storm so she let me go. Hit the gym after that.

I considered not going to those places yesterday, because there are so many memories there with W. I knew it would be tough. I also didn't want to deal with the memories during church, that we never had a great Easter together. There was family junk, or we were fighting. That made me really sad. All I can change is the future.

So, that's the crazy thing about dropping the rope. I went, had a great time, processed those things during church, was having such a good time that I missed her call, and was in a very good mood when I called her back. The prayer and love were a risk, but a good one I think. I'll keep letting her make the contact for now.

[MichelleLT]

It's definitely good to let the WAS set the pace sometimes. Give her space to miss you, to pursue you.

Sounds like you had a great weekend. And a very nice Easter!

That's the kind of stuff you need to recharge yourself and give yourself the strength to want to keep going.

[Goodfight]

Jon,

I'm happy that you sound very strong. And look, she called you. That is a plus.

You did very good with not contacting her first.

Just give her time and space. My H is like your W. His heart is in it I believe, but his head isn't. But then again, I haven't heard a word from him.

Keep up the good work.

[jon2911]

GF,
I believe the same thing about your H.

Nothing from W last night, which I must admit was hard. Good thing work is keeping me busy and good stuff with my side clients also. Also had a friend invite me over tonight to have dinner and do laundry at his house. It's funny, things like laundry have been the hardest for me, the struggle with loneliness. It's so great to have friends.

[Goodfight]

Hi Jon, I know what you mean... this being lonely is killing me. So depressed!

They asked me to make a new thread. Can u hop over?

[jon2911]

New thread time:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2150119&#Post2150119