My best friend, is also the man that I am in love with. We started as friends and that friendship has grown
We all started as friends Cat and I have been told by Michelle, Jody and some others not to be afraid of being friends first. There is a problem with this logic in my sitch though, while no one can argue that you must be friends first there are certain steps that I will be missing. Among them the reconnection/dating part. You do realize this step would be completely absent and very important.
Why do those things have to be missing?
Don't you dare tell me distance...
853 driving miles from my front door to that of my BF...
Sure we don't "date" like people who live close, stuff has to be a bit more planned...
I also know another couple who lived 12 hours apart since the beginning of their R, the first two years or so of their M, and have just recently gone through the process of merging the physical living part of their lives. They are very happy.
So I haven't bought that part of your argument from the beginning...
Originally Posted By: 2step
Is there anyone who has followed my sitch that was NOT surprised at the news I got on April 1st? Not in the direction I thought we were going at all.
I wasn't surprised at all to be honest. Your W had been sending very mixed signals, but she never once said that the D was NOT going to happen. Maybe having my experience in the MLC arena (like 25) I have learned to expect the unexpected...
Originally Posted By: 2step
Originally Posted By: 25
better yet, don't talk. Just BE, as in BE upbeat
I was actually warned about this from my DB couch. I remember a convo we had back in Feb or late Jan that I was very upbeat and was talking about how great things were going. That day I felt really good. She became depressed in the convo. I asked my DB coach about this. She adviced me that I might want to turn down the "doing great" bit a little bit because for a person that felt she was replacesable and not needed all that did was validate that opinion. So I did. Instead of being so "life is great" I told her how much she was needed. Not a trick it was actually a lot closer to how I was feeling.
It might have been closer to how your were feeling, and not necessarily a bad approach but too much of anything is well...
Too much...
It also says to me that your changes weren't as real as you wanted them to be. Because you were still trying to gear your behavior to create the outcome you wanted...
Instead of just being real...
Being 2step...
2,
When you met your W, hell when you meet anyone...
Do you gear YOU, your behavior to what you think you want the relationship to look like?
Or do you just take time, get to know a person, and let them get to know you?
As you are?
Do you know who you are?
What you like, what you want, what you need?
Do you know the deep down honest answers to those questions?
They will help you to just be...
To take what life throws your way and determine at the time what you want to do with it (or not do with it)...
25 gave you some great advice...
Please think about it, really think about it...
And maybe just breathe and live for a while...
If your W comes along...
Great...
If not...
Great...
Find your own happiness 2.
Eventually, there will be someone to join in that happiness and it may just be your W...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
