no one is saying kick her to the curb. I think in the 1000+ posts I've written I said to one woman who was in danger, that she needed a restraining order (and she did). Even then I didn't say "Divorce" b/c This is not a site to give advice about leaving. It's to bust divorces, so, hence the name. I guess if the person has no choice they can get help on the forum for surviving divorce, which I hear is good.

My h left to live up in the great North for a job and adventure, for 2 years. It's important that I told people this was the first truly selfish thing he ever did and that it was really out of character for him to do this. That information is relevant. I could vent about his new found selfishness but if all I had written was he left me and 3 kids for a job up there, a lot of people would have given me different advice than what I got (The advice I got here, esp from a few of the men and 3 women was a real Godsend. Absolutely a gift from above, as was my DB coach. But they got ALL the info so they could help me.)

We come here, to Divorce Busting, with the presumption that we want to save our marriages, save ourselves, or if we truly have no choice, to get through a divorce with as much dignity as possible. We presume we must work on ourselves and that this work on us, will by definition change the relationships we are in, b/c we are part of the relationship and we are changing.

But in your first posts your description of your w's behavior sounded pretty strange and you weren't telling us the rest of the story, ie why you were married to her in the first place, or the context of her behaviors, etc. We know you were venting but it helps a lot to know the rest b/c frankly if all we hear is bad stuff, what are we to think or advise? For instance the advice itself IS different for couples who have had a lot in common and had a strong marriage for years, or always resolved conflicts well, and then suddenly one of them goes & acts totally out of character. That's different from, say, a tumultuous marriage that has always needed a tune up in the communication department.

So the information is relevant to the advice you'd get b/c we don't know if the mainstream & traditional advice will work OR if something more dramatic is needed. Does this make sense? Do you see why we'd need a bit of the other side to assess what type of help you need? I don't see you as battered, btw. But yeah, she's depressed. There's a chapter in MWD's book about having a depressed spouse. Venting is fine but then make sure you state up front that it is one sided venting.

Your original post was long and detailed. Going by memory now, I think you
said She wanted an open m, with either sex, and you did not. You said that when you tried to talk to her about it, she'd leave the room or you two would fight. And you said that she was setting up a lot of conditions precedent to ML and that it was hurting you or was not what you wanted. Those are just some basics I recall.

You have to decide if those are issues you can live with as is, or if they all need repairs, etc. Your choice. Just be clear about it. I mean if it's fine with you, tell us.

Cards with the guys sounds great to me. I'm not sure why you think there'd be disapproval. I assume you're not betting the rent money and so, sounds fun and to me it sounds macho. The guys playing cards. What indoor activity is more "guy ish" than that? Plus it's good to have buddies.

Enjoy your time alone and doing the reading.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change