semi journal entry: I'm calling this a semi journal entry since I want to talk about some of the stuff I have been up to while my W is away. I will make a full entry about what happened in the last 5 days some time later.
Ok so I have been busy with wrapping up some loose ends at work, and GALing. It's been very nice being alone lately, and I have for the most part been enjoying it a lot. Didn't get to run, but I found my racing speedo, and will go swim some laps tomorrow. Got to play cards both yesterday and today, for about 4 hours each time. I really needed that, and the guys that play are great guys.
Now I also went out last night to buy a copy of No more Mr Nice Guy, but the local store didn't have it. I went ahead and bought in ebook format since I didn;t want to wait till it was delivered, or drive to the big city to get it. I read half of it already, and I have to say it sure this hit me where I am vulnerable. Like the book says I really am having a hard time accepting that my "nice guy ways" are pretty self destructive. I'm sticking to it though, and it's nice to know that some of my 180's fall under the NMMNG program. I even called my dad and we had a talk about the way I was raised to be the perfect little boy, his absence during constant business trips, and how he never modeled "guy stuff" since he did most of it during his trips, and we only did "family stuff" when he was back. (He used to alternate between our home and work every two months). Pretty enlightening. I sure am looking forward to applying some stuff, although I have a general idea of where I want to go with it, but not sure the exact parameters. I guess this is why I am here.
Which brings me to my next point: I come here to vent, to get a sympathetic ear, for advice, and the occasional 2x4 to the head. I have found the recommendation for NMMNG to be excellent, and only wish Young at Heart would have recommended it sooner. It is a great book. I like the message, make yourself happy first. I know this is DB basics, but this book tailors the DB message to my specific needs. It's great. That being said, I have been GALing for the past 5 days, and it has been great. I have read, played lots of cards, and played some video games. While playing cards I have found a group of guys I enjoy hanging out with. Which NMMNG heavily recommendeds. Most importantly these are the activities that have made ME happy. Just like the NMMNG and DB say, make yourself happy. Yeah they are not super macho activities, or what many would even think as worthwhile hobbies, but I DONT CARE. They make ME happy. Giving the circumstances I think I have made gallons and gallons of lemonade, I just like my lemonade a little bit geekier. What's funny is that if you were to see me in the street you wouldn't even be able to tell that I am geeky. I'm in shape, dress well, and groom. (My W is the same, we are stealth geeks I guess). Neither of us is ashamed of it, but you wouldn't be able to tell until we mentioned it. So yeah not making excuses, just trying to let you guys now this IS what I like. The best part is that it gets even better once I move. So it is win-win! If someone here doesn't like that then tough! (That's NMMNG too you know)
Ok now let's talk about W. I understand that "battered spouses" will make excuses for their partners. Yeah I recognize that, and I weigh in very carefully when people comment on W's behavior. At the same time only I am living through this and only I understand the extent of my sitch. I try to share as much as I can, but not all of it gets through either because I may miss a detail, or don't relate it well. These are second hand stories after all. I will also admit that, yes I do suffer from Mr Nice Guy syndrome (MNGS). It is something I have identified and I am taking slow steps to rectify. I have begun to see some successes (which will be talked about later) but also realized that I have only begun. Here is what is really starting to get on my nerves, (assert your emotions, see I'm already making progress. ) I post my sitch, not because I am looking for pity, but because I am looking for a new DB based perspective on what I am doing. Here is what I am not here for: I am not here for strangers to demonize my wife, or for my DB efforts to be belittled. My wife is a WAW I expect her to say and do outrageous things, and to be honest it has been mostly saying hardly any doing. (Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me). Thanks to DB and NMMNG I am starting to see how my W's outbursts for what they truly are, manifestations of WAW syndrome mixed with depression. I am doing my best for the both of us. I just didn't realize that it meant taking care of me first. Calling my wife bats**t crazy and other things does not help the situation. Yes there are issues she and I must deal with, but a general attitude of her being of her rocker is just plain condescending.
Besides what am I supposed to do kick her to the curb? I swear I have been getting that vibe from some of the posts lately. I understand people have concerns, but please watch your tone. She is still the woman I love because she has proven to me time and time again that she is worth it. I am willing to fight for this M, and hope that this is just another bump we can get through. If all my efforts are for naught I am glad I can finally say it will be ok. I have DB and NMMNG to thank for that.
I hope I am not over reacting, but I sure don't like where this thread has been going lately. I need help to fix my issues, and hopefully the M. Not for someone to try to convince me that my W is worthless. I am trying to save this.
