We never did talk last night. Once she laid down it was lights out. I am working from home today and she's home. However, I am keeping my distance. She needs to feel some of these emotions. I don't what she's feeling right now. Is it disappointment that the L told her she probably shouldn't move out? Does she not like her decision as much anymore? Who knows?
I think I just need to concentrate on detaching today.
Whatever we end up talking about, I will NOT feel like a victim.
jbn,
Most wayward and walkaway wives are so caught up in their fantasy that they've done VERY little, if any, of their legal/financial homework. It's very common for reality to slap them in the face when they begin to find out that everything's not going to work out as perfectly as they had fantasized that it would.
So yes, I would bet that she got some cold water thrown at her yesterday.
I think she is back in bed. Wow! In bed at 8 last night and up at 8 this morning, and back in bed. I am concentrating on detaching. It's not easy, I hate seeing her in this condition. However, there's the other side that welcomes it because of what she is doing.
I think she is back in bed. Wow! In bed at 8 last night and up at 8 this morning, and back in bed. I am concentrating on detaching. It's not easy, I hate seeing her in this condition. However, there's the other side that welcomes it because of what she is doing.
jb,
Can't remember if there's an OM in your sitch or not, but this would also be classic "withdrawal" behavior, if her OM dumped her. Combine that with maybe a legal reality bombshell, and you'd have some hard-core DEPRESSION on your hands.
More play by play - she did get up today. She rear-ended someone today at a red-light. Just a minor fender-bender, but she said she's really distracted right now.
We ended up talking tonight, I ended up backsliding some.
Most of all she is frustrated because she feels like I am still dragging my feet on the D (I am). She said she asked for it back in February, but there's little to show for it. She challenged me on if I would ever agree to a D. That's where I started backsliding. I ended up in a R talk.
I told her I was struggling with the whole D concept. I told her I don't believe it. I asked her what she though was best for our S. I even told her I loved her. I agreed with her that I didn't want to continue as we're going in the relationship as it stands right now. I told her I felt we needed to make changes in the relationship, that I couldn't just make changes to please her. I mentioned our MC was a series of fighting fires rather than having a plan, and she agreed with that. She said she just doesn't have the energy to put into the R. I did tell her I wanted her to find her real person. I told her I am determined to emerge from this the better man and I hope and pray she will emerge the better woman, regardless of the outcome.
There. I said it. I fessed up. I shouldn't have gotten on a R discussion but I did. It's done.
I don't think you've done that badly. You stated what you believe, which in short is a version of TrueGritter's declaration to his W, which many of us have cribbed. If she wants the D let her do the legwork for it.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Thanks for that SC. I am completely letting her do the legwork with the D. I am just not doing a very good job at dropping the rope, so to speak. I am just pushing her to the brink of where she thinks she going to have to sue me to get things moving.
Hey I will be the last to get up your nose here. Detachment is damn hard. Finding the difference between detaching with love and not giving a rip is hard. I tend to lean to the not give a rip, unfortunately, because it's a lot easier for me to have few good feelings than any for H.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
aggh, let me rephrase that. It's easier for me to have few good feelings for H than MANY for H.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
