Everything you're feeling is completely natural. Find some time to quiet those random thoughts and see what brings you the most peace. The fear about him cheating on you again is understandable.
Has he apologized and shown you REMORSE? Remorse is when the spouse is truly sorry for what they have done and goes through any means possible to assure the LBS that it will never happen again and they sincerely apologize for it. They are willing to be monitored, check-in, have their cell phone records checked, etc.
If he just brushed those needs aside and just quickly apologized, then he is only showing REGRET. Regret is saying "I'm sorry because I got caught. Not because of the hurt I caused my LBS."
The reason why you feel the way you do is because you don't feel safe with him. You feel you can't trust him and that he broke the security and intimacy that you felt only the two of you shared.
It is his job to rebuild that trust. And it is up to you to accept it or not.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
