For her own reasons, she wants to continue contact, to which you haven't been opposed, even though you were advised to minimize it...
Ok so here we have a woman that did not feel listened to or respected or valued and my level of contact should have diminished? I will give you one better. My DB coach suggested not only I talk to her and allow her to vent but to initiate more contact with her to not go dark or allow too many days to go by without talking to her. There was a clear goal at that point. Bust the D. There is no clear goal anymore.
The lack of a clear goal, makes your choices harder. In some ways...
The diminished contact, isn't for the M, although it does allow them space...
It is to allow the LBS some time to heal, time to regroup, time to be able to not "take the bait"...
Actually, even now, I see her wanting contact with you, as a good thing...or a potentially good thing...
Personally, I get the feeling that your XW is feeling pressure. Probably an internal pressure more than anything else. While she sounds certain in her choice, she is uncertain in her choices. It is all very confusing.
I read somewhere that a person who truly wants to end a M, ends it. Period.
A person who is uncertain, doesn't cut the apron strings completely...
Is there truth to that statement?
I believe so. Where that leaves the LBS...ends up being up to the LBS to a huge degree.
Originally Posted By: 2Step
Originally Posted By: Cat
Do you know how to do that with someone?
Such a loaded question. You know what one of my 180 was, to be friendly with her and talk when she called. If she would have called the old 2step there would have been 1 phone call made and that would have been it.
I always ask loaded questions.
I do know that your responses to this are different than they would have been.
My best friend, is also the man that I am in love with.
We started as friends and that friendship has grown.
He gets to see me at my blondest (which is funny, confusing, and frustrating at the same time), my angriest, my saddest, my most childish, my sexiest, my happiest, and everything in between. Somedays, we talk about serious stuff, other days, we don't talk about anything of substance whatsoever...
The friendship, is one of the reasons that I fell in love with him. It is the basis of relationship. If that goes, I don't think we will have much of a relationship...
Somedays, it is an effort to be friends...
He is a guy
And I can be ultra girly (believe it or not)...
Those are days, that we sometimes step back a bit, sometimes try a little harder...depending on the frustration level...
Other days, most days, it is ultra easy, like it was before the R developed...
I don't know that you guys actually got back to the easy part...
I get the impression that that is part of what your XW is looking for...
I could be wrong...it has been known to happen
It might be a place to start though...
Just by being...
instead of all of the words...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
