open relationships

[bob48]

The situation that you described seems to be a little different than what I was talking about.

Firstly, you wanted more sex in your relationship and obviously your wife respected your wishes and agreed that that kind of change would be beneficial to your marriage.

I never would suggest that someone whose wife owned her part of the problem should be required to tolerate an open relationship if she didn't want to. And you may be right that you wouldn't have reached the obviously satisfying point that you did if you pursued an outside liaison.

In my prior marriage, my wife felt that having sex more than a couple times a month was excessive and unreasonable. And even that was something that she couldn't agree to or want. It eventually came down to a couple of times a year. And when we finally did go to therapy, it was so she could fix me. At least that was her perspective.

I would have hoped it was obvious that I didn't believe that when a husband thinks he is being neglected at home that it was ok for him to unilaterally decide to open up the relationship.

I think it would be ok to open that topic for discussion with his wife as a possible solution. But the road to travel is the one both parties feel they can live with.

Incidentally, your description of how your marriage began to unwind is a familiar story. H & W begin to lead more separate lives in order to avoid conflict and their connection begins to dissolve. I congratulate you for recognizing that and working with your W to repair the damage. It would have been nice for me and our child and probably my ex if she had been similarly open to a better and more fulfilling marriage. My daughter still feels the pain, and as happily married as I am now, I do to sometimes.