Abbey1989 I have read your sitch, and can relate. It is not good to have your suspicions, and feel lied to, and cheated. I feel like that somedays but can't prove otherwise either. Here is some things to consider:
My first response to a threat of an OW, or OM would be to GAL, DB, 180 and all the other good stuff. I can tell you are already there. I do have to ask though...have you tried detaching? I mean SERIOUS detaching avoid most conversations, move out of the bed, make plans without him (which you already are doing.) Maybe a strong dose of the cold shoulder will make him snap out of it. You have been doing your best, but to no response I think it's time he suffers a little. When he finally asks what's going on you don't even have to allude to OW. Just say I think we are falling apart, I'm just not feeling it. Something about you has changed and I don't like it. If this truly affects him then he will come to you asking how he can change the dynamic. You can then use DB methods to have him work on the marriage, and make HIM do things to win you back. He feels safe having you and OW, it's time to break this fantasy. A big point about DBing is to make yourself so attractive that they feel dumb losing you. At this point he has the better you, and OW. Remember don't say that this is all because of OW, say it just doesn't feel right. He will figure it out eventually.
I couldn't agree more, GB90. By continuing to wink and nod to his lies, and even have sex with him, Abbey is only going to get more of the same from her husband.
