Won't stand for a broken family

[Timetotry]

Thanks Kaffe for the encouragement.

Journaling: (post second time-last one from other day is still not showing??)

I thought the weekend was very good, serious progress but my IC doesn't feel the same.

All of us went out to dinner and had a good time, no arguing no R talk, just pleasant conversation. He even said how he tried sushi on his work trip last week and wants to take me to try it sometime (I didn't react but I thought WOW forward thinking!). He wanted me to listen to a song on his phone that he says is his 'new song' that is called "Everything" by Lifehouse; he heard it last week after watching Smallville pilot. While we were together, he has done that over time, say songs remind him of me. I am not sure if this one does, listened on You Tube several times but I can’t be sure! Perhaps he is thinking its for a person that is out there that he hasn't met yet? I have to stop thinkinjg about that though, that is NOT detaching. Came back, dyed eggs with kids, sat together and watched tv and ML twice! He even helped me fill the eggs with candy and money-he never did that!

The next morning went well, Easter egg hunt, some morning cartoons and he made breakfast. He decided to cut the grass(although I didn’t like that idea on Easter) and fertilize the lawn. He left a few hours later because the kids and I were going to my parents. He text me an hour later saying how it was very hard to leave today. I validated and said I had a good time but knew his feeling was only for the kids. He said “No, the whole house”. I think that was supposed to mean me too without coming out and saying it?? My immediate goals for the weekend though were met.

Later in the evening he started texting again asking when will I be home and to come up to a family party he is at. I said I was glad he is enjoying himself and his response was” Its just a fill in.” Not sure what that means, since its in a text but perhaps another positive step forward. Went to his party and he spent some time with me and D3.

Went to IC yesterday who still feels he has not made any progress and accepts not blame yet. IC feels he needs to humble himself but if I wanted too, I could tell him he could come home and he would. I said I wouldn’t want him back ‘as is’ and she agreed. Now I wonder, am I detaching then or what?

Today he sent me a pointless text and said it was an error and then made small talk. This is so frustrating dealing with a WAS emotional state! And as I type this more texting started because he has problems with another director at work (which my IC thinks is the reason all of this started to happen in the first place). So I continue to validate his feelings for that and be a good friend. Someday, hopefully before I move forward, he will realize what he is doing and losing...


H:41
W:44
D1:18
D2:16
S:12
D3:7
T:20
M:18
Bomb:1/5/11
Sep:2/18/11
No D filed yet; just threats

“It is what YOU make it”!