confused bolt

[Bolt]

you all are terrific. Really, I do mean that from the bottom of my heart.

I'm in a much better place for two reasons.

One, the judge got to talk to both of my girls. He actually asked them where they wanted to live. My youngest said her mother and my oldest said me. I know they may not get busted up but my oldest is having a very hard time away from me. I was the primary caregiver for the last 1.5 years and she has grown very close to me. I don't want to take them away from their mother at all. As a matter of fact, I'm looking at moving closer so we can both be more involved. I'm ready to give up my career for my kids.

So that part is being taken care of. It's not in my hands anymore and more importantly, not in her hands.

I'm very proud of my kids for being so strong and have never loved them as much as I do now. They really are tough. Now I need to nurture them and remember they are KIDS.

But more importantly, I am not letting HER get to me. I had very polite conversations with her while at the court today. When it started to turn sour, I simply cut it off or walked away. We played mommy and daddy very well. Even joked with the kids - we both laughed. That felt good to do that with our kids. I left the convos to that.

But the best was when she texted me after she heard the oldest D wanted to live with me. She went crazy and thought I was f'd if I thought that would be good for them. I didn't let her get to me. I knew it was out of my hands and in the judge's. I also knew that she could do nothing about it. AND most importantly, nothing TO ME.

That was truly freeing. I know that for tonight, at least, I can sleep at night.

I am going to take this time to reread and read some more. I have to do it at these times because I want to be more prepared for when the moments arise.

So now for the question:
I know she is going to ask me again, what I think about separating the kids. My thoughts? - It's only for 5 weeks. I know that the oldest D won't live with my W. She hates her and hates the environment. What I want to work on is so she doesn't hate her mother. So, I know I can make it work for 5 weeks.

BUT

I don't want W to know any of this. So what should my polite response be?

thanks a TON for today everyone. It has been super. I now have a better outlook but am still willing to put in the work.