The feelings you are having are all normal leading up to the court date.

Punkin, for all your bravado and cutting sense of humor, we can see what a kindhearted, loving person you are.

And so, of course you are sad. You love your h. This was a long term marriage. Your future is not what you thought it would be and that just suckks.

There is no right or wrong way to feel. I know that deep down you do not wish your h any harm, that you worry about him. That is who you are.

Dont try to push away what you are feeling.

I will tell you this. You will not always feel the way it does now.

You might now have the life you thought you were going to have, but, you can have a new life, a different life, a happy life.

Be kind to yourself in the coming days and weeks. Mourn, cry, get angry. Then, when you are ready, you will begin to really heal.