So again, we go back to the "believe nothing of what they say and only 50% of what they do" mantra. His words continue to say one thing, and his actions another. His thinking is still so illogical and disjointed (he literally said during one of the R talks "well, you know, I get so angry over little things, like making sure there are bread ties on the bread bag, so that must mean I don't love you".... WHAT?! How is that a reflection on how much you love me??). I'm hoping with continued IC and me having the occasional CBT oriented R talk that he will begin to understand how faulty his thinking is and that this has little to do with our relationship. Thus far I've been able to counteract all of his crap arguments with valid, logical, solution oriented suggestions, and then he just makes up another illogical argument. He's clearly not ready, but I think at least he's softened some. He is still going to require a lot of work.
But at least I feel like I'm getting somewhere.
First, I want to say, have you read the book Hold me Tight? It's all about pursuer/withdrawer dynamics, and it seems your H is a classic and major withdrawer. The humor thing is distancing. Fear of intimacy. I've been through all this with my DBF. It's gotten SOOOO much better.
I give you credit for hanging in there. My DBF's behavior is improving all the time, but I get sooo impatient. I want to leave every other day. And we do have a daughter together.
But you've got your wits about you, so hang in there. You can't change his behavior...only yours. Well, you know this.
But it does sounds like he's getting excited.
Anyway the "we're done" thing sounds so familiar too. I stopped believing DBF on that one b/c he never followed through actually.
And this quote below is helping. DBF came home from work early tonight with a dozen roses and is selling the new car he bought for himself and focusing on us. I got really moved by that, but then IDK ... he does a lot of "talk" and makes extreme changes and then falls back to his old ways. We'll see-
