Is it awful of me to hope so? It's certainly not Christian. Some days you just have to be the Lion and not the Christian. LOL.
Truly though, deep inside, I still worry about him and what he is doing to himself physically and mentally. I know it's completely out of my hands. I try to leave it in God's, but He made me a fixer. Like most women, I suppose.
Appointment with L tomorrow for battle strategy. I know this sounds entirely pitiful, but if he turns around and marries her the next day, I think I'll curl up and die.
Punkin somewhere I saw the stat. that 85% of marriages that take place within 2 years of a divorce end.
I've thought the same--the even worse thought is "what if he has a child with the OW??" After all, my XH was a self-professed kid hater and never ever wanted kids, but he had the nerve to tell me back when I still let him talk to me that his mom was thinking now that he was with OW that she might get grandkids--clearly because this chick is 28 and I'm 42. Umm, last time I checked, I was still "able." Just chose NOT to. And I've played over in my head the scene, like a movie, of OW giving birth and my XH standing there all lovey-dovey. I kid you not. This is how terrible my imagination is.
I don't know the answer to these speculations on our part--about their future marriages or whatnot, but I guess it's madness for us to dwell on this stuff.
It's almost like if there were no one else in the world, I wouldn't CARE if XH married her. What concerns me? The idea that since there are people in the world, they'll form judgments about me that are negative IF he marries her and IF he has a kid with her.
So I get what you're saying about curling up and dying, but I guess we have to rise above this whole problem too, and learn to not care what our XH's do.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
So far, the weather has passed underneath us. There were 5 deaths in the state last night. They've been calling this "the Mother of all Storms", but at the moment, things are sun shiny outside. We actually had a patient say today that she knew 5 people got killed, but she was "sure tired of missing her programs on tv because of the storm" Sheesh.
My H had a vasectomy when we got married, so I know THAT isn't going to happen. I know it's BS, but it seems to validate their relationship, and my failure as a wife if he remarries immediately. Like he couldn't wait to get rid of the albatross around his neck, ME. Selfish on my part, I know. Still worrying about next week -court- and where that will leave me. I suppose if I get anything at all, it will be better than where I am at the moment. Sure hope the judge is in a good mood.
Ha ha, Punkin, my XH had a vasectomy about 5 years into our marriage, and the doctor said that he was laying ruin to those parts so that it couldn't be reversed, but I'm of course afraid that some doctor today would see it all as a challenge and reverse it. I agree, I feel like these moves he makes validate me as the "albatross" as you so eloquently put it...but I guess we need to stop thinking that way. Everyone in my life says HE was the albatross ;-) I guess it depends whose side you take on this stuff!
We're supposed to get storms tonight again. We haven't had anything too major, just so much rain that I'm mowing once a week and that's not even seeming to be enough. Stay safe!
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Punkin and Antonia, I understand how you feel and those feelings will pass in time. My xh married his "HO" just about 2 years after the div divorce and they are still together. The relationship is an odd one at best, but I only wish him happiness now, because he had it all at one time and now it's a struggle for him to get what he wants and be happy. I'll never understand it, but they have destroy everything in order to create their new selves.
On another note, I'm keeping you and others in the path of those storms in my thoughts and prayers. I heard that we are suppose to get some of that weather on Thursday.
Please be safe and and Punkin...good luck with your meeting.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Punkin, Yes, I am very happy. It took me a very long time to get to where I can honestly say that I am happy, but life is good now and I have never had second thoughts about what should have, could have been with my xh.
You can ask me anything...I'll try to provide answers for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you Snodderly. I was coming back on to apologize for being rude. I didn't mean it that way. You are always here for everyone on this board with excellent advice.
I believe the 'could have beens' are what is haunting me at present. All the dreams we had for retirement and spending time with each other, our grands, etc. It's just hard to let go of that dream and know it is dead for all time; or at least, has to evolve to a new dream.
I have to keep reminding myself of the things in our marriage that I didn't so much enjoy. Time and distance has a way of fading those 'not so great' memories, but I'm sure that is true of the MLC'rs, as well.
I really don't want my H unhappy, but then again, I am so sad, and I want him to be sad as well. Welcome to the Twilight Zone.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
