confused bolt

[MHL]

Bolt,

You are absolutely correct about having to have contact with her concerning the kids when you do not have them.

I do understand your delima.

I agree with the advice you have been given about a legal separation agreement or at least a legal parenting plan. Each state is different, however in my state they actually pay for a mediator that is appointed to look out for the best interests of the kids.

You need to find out what your options are.......

but keep it confined to the kids......very hard to do.

For you it is all rolled up together.

Your W is acting insane.

How in the h@ll could she possibly be a good parent to your daughters???

I know these thoughts.

You have to somehow get those out of your head.....again very hard to do.......but do it YOU MUST!!!!

This is the THING you speak of that you NEED to do to move forward.

YOU will "feel" better after the issue of the kids is resolved.

BTW, I doubt you are going to get full custody nor will your estranged W.

The legal system is used to separated parents lying about the other parent.

Typically, it is not in the best interest of the children to be totally cut off from one parent or to have very limited contact.

Fear has a hold on you brother.......the fear is justified concerning your kids (hate to scare you) but right now you are not doing anything......

You are the proverbial deer looking at the headlights of the MACK TRUCK that is bearing down upon you and you are worried what you and Thumper are going to do next week.

There will be time to "deal" with your W later.

In fact, once you get things situated with your daughters and you have "secured" your custody/visitation with them.....that fear will fade away and you will be able to think more clearly.

Don't get the steps out of order.

I know that the contact with your W is difficult but there is no other way. You should keep the contact simple, polite, and straight forward and only concerning the kids.

What are you afraid she is going to say????

Put it down here..... I guarantee you that you will be given a number of different things you could say.

You could pick what to say like picking food off of a menu.

and it will be perfect.

You can do this but you have to MOVE.......What are you doing to secure your parental rights????



Focus on that.

In the meantime, try to get to see your kids as much as possible and document everything with regards to your efforts to do so.

I don't know how to detach when she's playing this game with me. I want it all to simply stop.

I just don't know how to do that AND deal with my kids. Once something is in place, I know I can deal with the other.

My advice to you would be to write down what you want to say to your W in order to see the kids. Post it here.

Think of things she may say....write them down.....post it here.

You want to detach and still see your kids but have to talk to her........this how you do it.

You will basically be reading from a script and right now that is what you need until you get it down, then it will come more naturally.

We can tell you how to say things so as to keep it polite and cordial with your W but hopefully firm and resolute without getting your emotions involved.

This is hard.

It will be the hardest thing you have ever done......

But you can do it.